To Know and Be Known

The other day, I stopped on a friend’s post on Facebook while scrolling through my newsfeed.   Her son had been tasked with taking a survey of adults by his teacher at school.  His question for all of us over-18-year-olds?  

 “What is the most serious problem in the world today?”

I read through the responses, and wasn’t surprised to see some incredible societal ills in the answers.   Racism.  Poverty.  Genocide.   Starvation. Bigotry.  Socialism.  Selfishness.

None were all that surprising - it’s no secret that around the world, various communities are dealing with the horrible implications of these problems.  People are getting hurt.   Lives are being lost.   Inequality seems to be the name of the game.   Around the world, millions are being treated with a lack of dignity and justice.

I kept thinking about that question all day, though, as I went about my chores and tasks.   All of these problems aren’t new to us humans - we can read through history books to see the same stories told, over and over again.   The only real difference is often just who the actors in the story are.    

The same injustices, the same violence, the same pain.

It brought to mind something a friend of mine once said,  which she attributed to her husband.   

“The deepest desire of any human being is to know and be known.”

I couldn’t help but wonder how much more progress we could make in the elimination of these problems if we took his statement to heart:  the deepest desire of any human being is to know and be known.

I think, honestly, my friend’s husband’s statement is the true answer to the question posed on Facebook yesterday morning.   The most serious problem today is that we’ve forgotten the deepest desire of any human being is to know and be known.

How many times do we brush off what someone else is saying?   It’s a common complaint in our house, with growing numbers of teenage boys.   They listen to the first few words of our statement or request and assume they know the way that the statement or request is going to end, and act accordingly……only to find out after the fact that they were wrong and did the wrong thing or didn’t get the information that they needed.   It’s incredibly frustrating as a parent, but I wonder…..how often are we adults guilty of doing the same thing?

In today’s world, it’s so easy to go through our days without actually really *knowing* anyone, isn’t it?  We have great superficial knowledge of hundreds, maybe even thousands of people, but how many people can we say we really, truly *know*?    Parents, how many of us are guilty of making assumptions about the desires and wills of our kiddos, wanting to know who we want them to be, not who they really are?

I know I’m guilty of all of that.

I often justify it by rationalizing that it’s okay, I’m an introvert (seriously through and through, I’m an introvert), so I don’t really need to *know* that many people to be comfortable or satisfied.   I have a core group of 3 friends and a husband, and that’s enough to “fill my bucket.”  I don’t feel this deep need to form deep relationships with a ton of people.  Four is good for me, thanks!

But….is that really it?   Do I really have to form a deep, abiding friendship with someone to really, truly know them?  

As I thought more about it yesterday, I came to the conclusion that no, I don’t have to form a “bosom friend”  with everyone (yes, I’m referencing Anne of Green Gables.   Deal with it.  I’m a homeschooling mom.  We do these things).  That’s not the only way to know or be known by another human being.

I don’t have to form a lifetime friendship with everyone out there in order to know them.

What I have to do is this:  I have to listen to them.  Truly listen to them.

Just like my teenagers and how their lack of listening causes problems later on for them, my lack of listening to those around me is contributing to the problems facing the world today - those answers listed on Facebook yesterday.

When someone tells me their experiences or their opinions, do I truly listen?   Or instead, do I just hear the words, formatting my response in my head?    

Everything that they tell me is a little piece of the puzzle in getting to know them.   Every time I listen, truly listen, another piece falls into place.

It’s so hard to really listen to anything in today’s world, isn’t it?  There’s so much noise, so much distraction.   Alert tones, flashing lights, stock videos, sound bites, memes.   It’s all there to distract us - to keep us from truly seeing the person in front of us (or behind the computer).

I wonder what would happen if we said, “No.  I refuse to be distracted.   I commit to listening to you - even if I don’t agree - and take the time to allow myself to *know* you and *be known* by you?”

We won’t end racism or poverty or selfishness or starvation or bigotry or genocide or ________ in a day by listening to the person in front of us.  

But we will know them and be known by them, and I can’t help but imagine that by doing so, we will chip away at the problems facing the world today.   

One human being at a time.

Get out there, friends.  Your deepest desire in life is to know and be known.   So is your neighbour’s.   So is your Facebook friend’s.   So is the person’s in the school drop off line.

Go know them.   Let them know you.

Let’s change the world for the next person we see.

Have a good weekend, friends.