NFP, adoption, and being open to life: are they connected?

A couple of the Circus clowns on Mr T's adoption trip

Part of our trip last week included a return to our marriage prep team in Maine, and giving a presentation.   It seems that giving talks on Natural Family Planning is included in the job description of Catholic OB/GYN, and by proxy, his wife's job description.  I don't say this to complain - I really, truly love being involved in marriage preparation, and love talking about what NFP has done in our lives.

Natural Family Planning was instrumental in our marriage, both in bringing us into a point of mutual communication, and in bringing me back to health, mentally (and physically, as it pinpointed some medical issues that I'd long suspected but no one had ever taken seriously when I tried to discuss it).  It's a subject that I hold near and dear to my heart, and one that I would love to talk to anyone about (no kidding, I really would love to talk to you about NFP!).  It's not easy at times, and it's not "polite talk", but it's important - both for our physical health, as women, but for our spiritual health.

It was a bit different talking about NFP this last weekend.  It'd been a good year since we last gave this talk, and so much has happened within that year.   Last year, at this time, we'd just discovered my aortic aneurysm, and we were in what we thought would be a temporary "holding pattern" with fertility, as we monitored with a cardiologist and got a good look at what we were looking at.   At that time, it was something that we fully admitted to putting on the back burner with discussions and discernment - until we talked to the specialists and got lots of images of my aorta and a definite diagnosis, we were abstaining.    It was an easy, no-brainer decision:  medical reasons are fully acceptable as a "just reason" for avoiding pregnancy, and we didn't have all of the information yet.   We didn't really know what we were dealing with.

This year, we have a clearer picture of what's going on.  It's likely that I've had this aneurysm my whole life, and it has not changed since we first spotted it over a year ago.   The cardiologist felt certain that it would be at least 80 years before there was any significant change where we'd have to do more than just monitor it.   I was given the recommendation to lose weight (working on it - down 40 lbs since that appointment!), increase my aerobic exercise (working on it!), and to get yearly echocardiograms.    When asked about the danger of another pregnancy, he told me that while pregnancy itself was not contraindicated with my particular type of aneurysm, it increased the danger of dissection (basically, my aorta could rupture) in a statistically significant manner, and the most dangerous part of pregnancy was actually during labour and delivery.   Specifically, the pushing stage of labor.  Historically, that has been very short for me in my 5 deliveries - the longest I've ever pushed was 10 minutes (don't hate me) - but that we'd need to have a plan in place because if I did get pregnant and suffer a dissection, every minute counted.  My chance of survival drops drastically with every hour I go without getting it fixed.

That's a little disconcerting when you're looking at moving to a very rural, very sparsely serviced area.   Pregnancy care would be fine - although I'd likely have to be co-managed by a high risk doctor three hours away -  but what would happen if I did go into labour and suffer a dissection up here in the tundra?    Getting me out and to the care that I'd need would be difficult.   Now, I've been induced the last 4 times for various reasons (blood pressure, mostly), and my body has responded really well to inductions, so there could be the potential solution of delivering with those high risk doctors, three hours away, and just planning for an induction and traveling.   We pay for additional insurance for me that involves life-flighting coverage to get me to a bigger hospital, on a monthly basis, too.  With those things in place, the cardiologist gave a tentative approval of future pregnancies, although he wasn't super supportive.

That relieved some of the "stress" of using NFP to avoid every month.   We can do our best, and know that the possibility of a healthy, safe pregnancy is there, and have a plan in place if that was to happen.   (I will add that we've been using NFP solely for 11 years now and never had an unplanned pregnancy, so I'm not worried about method failure - this just gives additional reassurance in the back of our minds).

But what all of this has done over the last year is really bring this question to the forefront of our lives:  What is God calling us to do with our family?   What makes a reason "just" or not, when it comes to avoiding?   If we aren't able to get pregnant again, are we being called to adopt again?   At what point does a reason become a just one....or a selfish one?   We're having to discern in ways that we never have had to before, and that's unsettling.

Before discovering my aneurysm, we'd come to a point in our family life where we were "trying to whatever", commonly abbreviated as TTW on NFP forums and groups.   We'd discerned that we had the financial and physical ability to welcome more children, and had no reason to avoid getting pregnant.  We weren't *actively* trying to get pregnant, but we also weren't actively trying to be not pregnant.   We would be happy pregnant or not pregnant, and were willing to accept whatever happened each month.   

I feel like that has all been called into question with this development in my health.   Part of the beauty about NFP is that this decision isn't a permanent one:  we can change our plans every month, if we wanted to.  I know this, logically.  Nothing we say or do now has to be what we're saying and doing next month.    But, that also means that it's almost constantly in the back of my mind.   Maybe that's the point - we never get too comfortable and too numb to God's call with NFP.  It's constantly a prayer on my heart, and I'm constantly listening for His voice.   

I think that, until we get a little bit more time with imagery of my aneurysm under our belts, and I get down to my goal weight, and we develop that care team that we're working on, it's safe to say that we have just reasons to avoid a pregnancy.   I really don't feel any anxiety about that - God has given me peace in that regard.    Using NFP to abstain for possibly the rest of my fertility, due to health reasons, brings me peace.   

But the question I keep coming back to, because my eyes have now been opened as to how many children need homes and are in need of love, is this:  at what point do you have a just reason to say no to an adoption?

With NFP, the discussion is one of responsible and generous parenting.   Many facets of your life (social, economic, health, etc) can be taken into account when discerning pregnancy, and any of those could provide a reason to avoid getting pregnant.   The point is that we're actively discerning, with a disposition to being open to life, and listening for God's call in planning our families.  The Church, in her wisdom, doesn't give us a check list of items that are "okay" when abstaining from pregnancy.   Why?  Because each of us is an individual, and each of us is called to individual responsibility to God.   We aren't carbon copies of each other, and the Church does not treat us as such.

But how do you apply this to adoption?   Can you apply this to adoption?   If we aren't actively welcoming pregnancy, do we need to open our homes to an orphan?   I would venture to suggest that we should be actively discerning adoption, as well as pregnancy.   Is everyone called to adoption? No.   But, there is beauty in restoring a family to a child who needs one, and a joy found in the sacrifice of our own comfort while giving it to a child.   Now, don't get me wrong:  I would move mountains if it meant that Mr T never had to be separated from his biological parents, and they could have the joy of raising him right now.   I love him with all of my heart, but I was never "God's plan" for his mother.  His biological mother was.  He was not brought into this world as an answer to growing our family - we are the back up plan.  I am fully aware of this, and humbled by it.  That does not change the fact that his life has brought joy to our family, and we have been blessed more than I could imagine by his addition to our household.   

Adoption is expensive - it's typically at least three times what we've paid for our most expensive pregnancy/delivery.    It's emotionally hard - I'm still not sure I'm ready to have my every move and decision scrutinized and judged worthy or unworthy by an outside party.   That was probably my biggest source of anxiety during our 2.5 year adoption process, and it makes me start to sweat and panic when thinking about bringing that back into our lives again.   Can adoption be much cheaper or even free than international adoption?  Yes.  But I've written before about our path to international adoption, and that has not changed.  Might it in the future?  Maybe.   For right now, though, it's still the path that we would take if we were to adopt again.

While I would never, ever venture to put a price tag on the worth of a child, there are some cold, hard facts about adoption.  If we were to adopt again, it would likely cost us between $25-$30K.   We don't have that money sitting around:  we have very little left after our move and sale of a house.   Does money have to be a stumbling block?  Not necessarily.  We could fundraise for those dollars - and I've seen many families successfully do so.   So, while money is definitely a factor (and a scary one at that), is it enough to say that adoption would be too much of a financial strain on our family?  Money is fluid - maybe it wouldn't be an issue in a year from now.   Maybe we can move things around more to make that room for adoption costs.  I'm not sure - and then the question comes in as to what about financial security for the 6 kids we currently have.   Our oldest is very set on attending college and has a very definite career plan in mind (and it's one that would be beneficial, at the end of study).   With Mike's income, we won't get approved for financial aid.   Who needs that money more?  A child with career goals, or a hypothetical adopted sibling?  I just don't know what the right answer is.  

This doesn't even take into account logistics: where would a child sleep in our house?   Can we realistically bring another chid into one of our kids' bedrooms?   What kind of car would I need to get to be able to drive in the winters here with 7 kids, as opposed to 6?   While these aren't "end-all/be-all" concerns, these are things that a social worker would ask during a home study, so it is something we need to think through and have a plan for, before even starting to move toward an adoption.

Then there's the actual parenting piece:  I've been gifted with such a sense of peace in the last 6 months with our family and parenting.   That is not to say it's *easy*, but that I feel at peace in our day to day life and relationships.   The anxiety that was almost crippling a year ago has diminished - partly because we have a better idea of what my health looks like, and Mike's job stress has all but disappeared, but also just because I'm feeling God's presence in our family life again.   This is a gift that I am trying hard to recognize and appreciate, and not take for granted.

The question I keep coming back to is this:  would adoption disrupt that peace I feel, and if so, is that a bad thing?  I'm just not sure.  I feel like part of this earthly life experience is to keep pushing us out of complacency and comfort, in order to surrender to Him.  What does that look like with regard to family planning?   I'm just not sure.   With NFP, I know the answer right now is avoiding pregnancy.  But with adoption?  I'm just not sure.  Adopting would be hard and disruptive....temporarily (most likely, although there's always the chance that the temporary disruption could extend for many, many years).    Is that a bad thing?   Is it wrong to hold on to that peace that I feel in our family life?   At what point does it become selfish to do so?

These are the questions that I just don't know the answer to just yet.  I'm not sure anyone can really answer them for me, either - just like with NFP, I'm guessing that the "do I or don't I adopt?" question is discerned on a personal, individual basis.  That doesn't make it any easier, in fact, I think that makes it much harder.  I wish someone could just tell me what I'm supposed to do when I see the face of a child who needs a home!   

New life is beautiful and a gift from God, but one can have morally acceptable reasons to say to God "Not right now, please."   That is not up for debate - as long as the motives are just and the means are moral, the Church says it is a-ok to plan our family size.

Does it apply to adoption, as well?   If so, how?

Food Prep Friday

That's a thing, right?  If not, I think we need to make it a thing.   I could use some ideas!

As I mentioned in my last post, we just got back from a 2 week road trip.   We spent the first five days in the general Chicago area, so two of the boys could compete at a regional gymnastics meet.   After that, we packed up a very messy hotel room and hit the road again.   This time, it was a multi-state road trip to get back to our old stomping grounds in Maine.   A week there was good for the soul...but not so good for the waist line.   I was happy with how things went - I spent more time in hotel gyms than I ever have before, and I did feel in control for the majority of the trip - but the combination of a higher salt intake, lower fiber counts, and lack of choices while on the road led to a pretty spectacular weight gain:  8 pounds!   I know most of it was just the traveling, as the majority of that (5 pounds) has already come back off with two days at home, but I felt gross and bloated by the time we got back home on Tuesday.   I'd like to avoid that with our next road trip, considering the end point is a beautiful condo on white sand beaches in Florida, and I don't want to feel subpar by the time we get there!  

So what's a girl to do when faced with road travel?

I think the key to success this next time around is really going to come down to preparation.   I went into the last trip feeling pretty prepared and with goals:  working out, snacking right, and drinking lots of water.   I did those things, which is why I think I didn't gain much weight until the last two days of travel (where there were NO choices along a two lane highway in Canada, and I was out of my packed snacks and go-to meals).   I'd only gained 3 pounds between Chicago and our last day in Maine, but managed to pack on 5 pounds in two days of traveling back from Maine.   3 over 10 days of vacation is totally do-able.   5 pounds in two days (where I sat on my butt for 12 hours a day) left me feeling sluggish and gross.

Our biggest struggles this last time was not snacking, workouts, or water intake.  Those things went well, with coming prepared.   I had our favorite snacks (this are the best options for us!), a nice new water bottle, and even brought our macro-friendly salad dressing from home to be able to take into restaurants.  

Where we struggled the most was during the "free" hotel breakfast, during lunch on the road (not many options, so we ate a lot of fast food), and then the crashing into a hotel room and just wanting something quick and easy to feed everyone (read: pizza or fast food, yet again) before getting them into bed.    So, those items are my focus with preparation for our next trip.   I'll build upon the water, healthy snacks, and workouts........and hopefully will feel less swollen by the time we are finished!

That brings us to....FOOD PREP FRIDAY!   

Here's what we're planning now:

Individual crustless quiche.    These aren't the healthiest of options, but they're easy to budget for macros, the kids LOVE them, and it's closer to our normal diet than hotel breakfasts.   By the end of our last week on the road, my kids were just *done* with the hotel options.  Even though we stay at hotels that have better breakfasts than most (just the nature of having to get a suite because there are so many of us!), it's always the same thing:  reconstituted eggs and some sort of fatty meat, unappetizing fruit (does anyone REALLY like red delicious apples?), and sugar loaded waffles.     Because there are so many of us, we're usually in a hotel room that has a full or partial kitchen - there really should be no need for us to go down to the hotel breakfast.   Our regular go-to "quick breakfast" is eggs, and those don't pack all that well.   However, these individual quiche do!

Also for breakfast, I'm planning instant oatmeal and smoothies.  I froze plain Greek yogurt into 1/2 cup servings by making these little "yogurt pucks".   I'll put them into individual sandwich size ziplock bags with a cup of frozen fruit, and then package all of the bags into a gallon sized bag.  I'm hopeful that deep freezing them, then keeping them all together in the cooler will keep them cool enough to stay mostly solid.  We'll just need to add a liquid (water will do, in a pinch), and throw it into a Ninja, which already comes with us on every road trip anyway. 

For lunches, we'll bring sandwich fixings and fruit.  It's a bit easier to pack this time around, since we're not leaving the country.  We typically stop at rest areas, make a picnic lunch, and let the kids run around with the balls and games that I always bring with us.   (Bubbles, balls, frisbees, stuff like that - they get their energy out and those good endorphins pumping, making for a much happier carload at the end of our rest stop!)

Dinners will be back in a hotel room, and that's where we struggled this last time around.  We were tired by the end of the day and just didn't care about what we were eating.  The goal was to go with food that was easy, something that everyone liked, and was quick.  Unfortunately, that translated into lots of fast food for us, or restaurants with drinks.   It was easy to justify after a long day of travel.  However, it left us feeling gross, not sleeping well, and typically didn't set us up well the next morning, either.   (Isn't it odd how once you start eating junk, that's all that your body wants?).  Our solution this time is to, once again, rely on those hotel kitchens and bring easy to reheat freezer meals.   They're not exactly what we normally eat (more meat-heavy), but they'll be better than fast food or pizza, much cheaper, and just as quick.   

On the menu are individually wrapped beef burritos.  Typically I start with this recipe for roasted vegetable burritos, but I had thrown this southwest shredded beef in the crockpot the other day, as a back up for dinner in case we didn't get to make it to visit Mike on his birthday (he was on call and you never know if he'll be catching babies or free!).   He ended up being able to do dinner with us, so I was originally planning on just freezing the beef for a later use.   Instead, I used about half of it, and created burritos with the roasted veggie and bean mix, a little brown rice, and toasted them up.   The kids devoured them for lunch, and I was able to make 2 dozen in all.....more than enough to take the leftovers with us on the road.   This plus fruit or a simple bag of salad should be nice meal after a long trip!

Tomorrow's plan is to make a double batch of chili and freeze half of it.  It will thaw in the cooler on the drive, and then I should be able to warm it up quickly on the stove top.  Some sour cream and cheese (which will also be great with the burritos) will be all it takes to make it a complete meal.  

Those meals will get us to Florida, where I can re-evaluate how the food prep worked, and make a plan for the drive back home.   Fingers crossed that it will

help us feel better and less "road weary" after 2.5 days on the road with the Circus clowns!

******

What are your go-to road trip or travel food tips?

Road Trip Musings

Sitting at the tire shop should really be more entertaining, don’t you think?   They try - soap operas on the big tv hanging in the corner.  The one playing currently (Young and the Restless) makes me think of my grandmother.   She watched it daily, and I remember going to visit her and thinking how funny it was that they’d watch it twice a day sometimes.  You see, they had one of those big satellite dishes and they could pick it up on two different channels - once in the morning and once in the afternoon.  She used to joke that if she missed it in the morning, she could play “catch up” in the afternoon.  Fun memories.  

There are some parts of adulting that I’m not a huge fan of.  Car maintenance would be really high on that list.  However, we have another long road trip ahead of us, and good tires that are NOT snow tires would be really beneficial to have. I’m not a fan of hydroplaning in a big 12 passenger van.  ;)

Now that I’ve been home for almost 2 days, I’m feeling a little less stressed from the last road trip.   The 18 hour drive home across Canada (most of which was a little 2 lane highway, dotted with tiny towns) was long and tiring, and the addition of a head cold for me and the baby made it really tricky.   All she wanted was Mommy, and all I could do was drive.    Poor rascal.   She and I are almost back at 100%, though, praise God.  It’s starting to work its way through the other rascals, but I’m hopeful it will be as quick for them as it was for the two of us.

It’s the funniest thing.   So many people were commenting on how brave or strong I was to do a road trip like this on my own with the kids, and it really surprised me.   I guess it’s been a part of our life for so long that I have done almost everything by myself with the kids, that I don’t see what was so brave about it.  I mean, I really, really appreciate the sentiment - it made the hard moments seem less hard, like I was justified in feeling stressed at that moment.   But overall, I didn’t see anything particularly brave about it.   

I thought a lot about that as I was driving, considering it piggy backed on a conversation I’d had recently with friends about homeschooling.   Yes, moments were hard, but I had some major things working in my favor - one of the big ones being that the kids and I are together, 24/7.   It’s just a necessary fact of life that my kids have learned how to step in and help me.   Even if Mike didn’t work such a random schedule (which *has* gotten much, much better since our move, but the nature of an OB/GYN schedule is that it isn’t shift work), the very fact that we’re all home, all together, all of the time, means that my kids have learned what it takes to make a household run.   

Can kids who attend traditional schools learn this?   DEFINITELY!   I did.  Mike did.  Many of our friend’s kids do.   But, unlike a homeschooling family, I think it takes a little bit more intention to foster that kind of knowledge.  If a teenager isn’t home with a toddler all day, he/she isn’t necessarily going to see as many examples of Mom problem-solving a toddler tantrum, or Mom coming up with games and activities for the toddler to do.   My kids have seen so much of those interactions - how to accommodate little ones in regular, every day life - that it’s become second nature for them.  A preschooler is panicking in the car?  The 9 year old knows to start with a list of possible problems to solve, without any prompting from me:  Is she hungry?  Is something hurting her?  Does she have to pee?  Does she want a particular toy?  Is she bored?  Did something scare her?   He knows to start at the top and work his way down the list, eventually landing on whatever it was that led to the panic, and helping her solve it.   How does he know this?  Because he’s seen me (and his older brothers) do this hundreds, if not thousands, of times in our every day life.

It’s second nature for my oldest to swoop in and pick up the toddler and include her in interactions with his friends, or help her get situated at a restaurant.   It’s not because we expect him to do that at home (I try *really* hard not to ask the kids to do too much because I want to let them be kids for as long as possible), but it’s because he sees me and Mike do that over and over again.   The 12 year old lets the preschooler help him with unloading groceries and knows that while it’s slightly frustrating to do that at preschool speed….there are ways to make that preschooler feel wanted and included while minimizing the frustration (“Hey, T, can you carry this bag of napkins into the kitchen for me?   Can you line all of the cans up on the counter for Mom?”).  He recognizes that if he lets the preschooler “help” him now, in a few months or years, that preschooler will be able to do it on his own and it’ll be even better as our family team.  We’ll have another “player” to play the game, if you will.

This is the time of year where we start analyzing our past year of schooling, and start looking toward the future and planning the next school year.   We’ve made it through the winter doldrums, and are starting to feel excitement about new growth and opportunities.   It’s also the time of year where Mike and I sit down and ask, “What are our goals in educating this particular child? Where can we best accomplish those goals:  school or home?   What does this child want for his/her own future?   How can we meet that wish?”  It’s a constant discernment process, and spring time seems to be the height of it every year.

I remember when we first started homeschooling, and people would ask me how long I intended to keep them home.   I’d joke about being scared that I wasn’t smart enough to homeschool high school, and answer with what was then my “serious” answer:  We’ll evaluate each year, and I only commit to a year at a time.  If next year, the best option is a traditional school, that’s where the child will go.

My answer hasn’t changed all that much through the years.   We still evaluate each year, and we still ask the same questions.   However, academics are now only just a piece of the puzzle.   I know now that I can “outsource” any subject that I don’t feel prepared to teach (even Stanford has fantastic online/virtual classes for homeschoolers!), so homeschooling high school isn’t quite as intimidating anymore.   We have wonderful social support networks in place - for me and for the kids.   The amount of free time the kids have to explore their desires and interests has led to development in art, sports, and music.   The kids have created their own businesses and have learned - through trial and error - how to develop marketable skills and succeed financially with those skills.  They’ve attended business meetings, trying to “sell” their product to an investor, planning for those meetings and representing themselves during them.  I do not dismiss that free time anymore as a waste in scheduling - it is just as important in our evaluations as their grades.

And the thing that was my biggest surprise when homeschooling is the now top of the list when we evaluate each child’s educational plans:  the development of my children’s relationships with each other.   I expected to get to grow our parent/child relationships when we first brought the boys home seven years ago.   Part of our motivation to homeschool included this idea that we wanted to be a family unit, and try to prevent that parent/child relationship from turning into the “us vs them” dichotomy that we so often saw in our youth ministry teens.   It was important to us that we tried to steer away from the “adults are stupid” teen mindset that seemed to permeate through popular media and culture.    Will we avoid it completely?  Of course not - some of that is just human nature as you’re learning and growing and becoming more independent.   But we were hoping to foster relationships where we were seen as a team member in our child’s corner, not as the bumbling parent who couldn’t be trusted.  

Watching the children develop relationships with each other completely took me by surprise.   I’m not sure why - looking back, it seems natural that since they were in each other’s presence as much as they were in my presence, we’d see the same kind of relationship focus in siblings that we were hoping to see with the parent/child one.   What can I say?  I might be a bit of a slow learner.  My children have taught me, through their own actions, the beauty of developing a love for their siblings, and the joy of fostering nurturing relationships on a horizontal level, not just vertical.   My greatest hope as their mom is that these relationships continue to blossom and remain strong throughout their lives.    Academics are important, but more important that their grades and book smarts is their ability to love each other for who they are as individuals, the good parts and the annoying parts.   There’s no greater place, no safer place, to learn that than in the family home.   We can’t choose the personalities and the temperaments of the members of our family.  We can’t choose (most of the time) to only hang out with those people who are our natural friends when it comes to living in a family.  We have to learn to make peace, to develop relationships, and LOVE those who might not be our top picks if we were to

 choose our families.

Maybe one of them will grow up to develop a cure for cancer, or negotiate world peace, or create the next greatest thing for humankind.   I won’t hold them back from doing those things, and I will help them chase down the tools they need to meet those goals.

But they’ll will *ALL* grow up to interact with society on a daily, even hourly, basis.   They will *ALL* grow up and need to know how to sympathize, how to problem solve, how to help, how to serve, and how to truly desire the best for the people who annoy them.

 

Who better to teach that than a toddler?

How I fought Mount Washmore......and won!

Now, I do a lot of laundry.  If you're looking for a post explaining how someone has managed to not do so much laundry.....this is not that post, and I am not that someone.  BUT, if you're looking for a change with how you look at clothes, and maybe a little inspiration to try it yourself......I humbly present our version of a "capsule wardrobe" for our kids.

You see, a few years ago, I noticed that I was doing one to two loads of laundry EVERY day.    I also noticed something really interesting - even though my kids had a bajillion trillion million options in clothing to choose from every morning......they were wearing the same dozen articles of clothing every day.   That meant that those loads of laundry I was doing contained the same dozen articles of clothing for each kid.  Meanwhile, all of the rest of their clothing sat crumpled up in drawers and caused epic meltdowns when I'd ask a child to go get dressed or go put away his/her clean clothing or, God forbid, bring me any clothes that no longer fit them so I could pack them away for younger siblings.

I decided that this was doing nothing for us but wasting space and causing heartache and was not a good use of our resources (I was on a big "be a good steward" kick back then.   I should probably revisit that kick in a few aspects of our life now, come to think of it).   

So, what did I do about it?

I threw out three-quarters of my children's clothing.

Well, technically, I threw out things that couldn't be salvaged and donated the rest (some with tags on it still!), but the end result was the same:  by the end of that week (yes, it took a week!), my children had approximately one-quarter of the clothing they used to have.

And what happened?

Not the wailing and gnashing of teeth that I expected.   I know!  Color me surprised, too!   Instead, I ended up with kids who did *not* panic every time I asked them to put away their clothing,  who did not throw a tantrum when I asked them to get dressed, and closets that didn't vomit clothing on you the minute you opened the door.   It was glorious!

I still do 1-2 loads of laundry a day (there *are* still eight of us living here, after all!), but it's much, much less overwhelming for all of us.   Most days, I just do one load of clothing, and the second load contains towels and/or linens.   Everyone wears their favorite dozen articles of clothing, and I feel like I'm getting my money's worth out of those items.   Shopping for new clothes isn't as stress-inducing, and when we do replace items, I don't feel guilty about it because they wore the previous items regularly.   I'm not giving away or packing away clothing that still has tags on it - everything is used and used often.  

So, what do my children wear?   

Here are some pictures:

Girl's clothing is so much fun to buy!   My first girl came after 4 boys, so shopping was like an Olympic sport to me while pregnant with my oldest girl.   Between my own shopping marathons and incredibly generous friends, I found myself drowning in girl clothes.   I must have taken 5-6 large trash bags of perfectly good girl's clothing to the donation bins in town.   Maybe even more.

Now, we are in between seasons here in the tundra, so this is actually more clothing than I normally keep on hand, but while Mother Nature is still trying to figure out if we're going to have a spring or be locked in endless winter, I've been keeping more options on hand.

My girls have:

2 pajamas

2 play dresses (we love these twirl dresses)

typically 2-3 shirts (more pictured because, well, weather)

2-3 bottoms (our girls seem to prefer skirts, but I keep one set of pants or leggings on hand for those colder days)

2 church dresses

2-3 pairs of tights that can work with both the play and church dresses, and any skirts

not shown:  underwear (5 pairs) and socks (2-3 pairs)

Boy's clothes just aren't quite as flashy or fun, but what that makes them is waaaayyy more flexible and interchangeable.  Even with kiddos getting dirty and needing costume changes (which happens regardless of gender!), I've found that I can really keep quite a minimal wardrobe on hand for the boys and still be okay.  The key is making sure things can be interchanged (no matching outfits here, sorry!).    Typically, I alternate between adult laundry and kid laundry, so every other day, I'm washing what is worn and the kids are putting it back into their closets.  At most, they might wear three days of clothes before I'm able to wash them, but that's few and far between and usually only happens when there's some sort of sickness going through the Circus, and pajamas are perfectly acceptable clothing choices in that situation.  

Anywho, the boys have:

2 sets of pajamas

3-5 shirts (typically a mix of long and short sleeved, but I will change them to be seasonally appropriate)

3 pants

2 church outfits

not pictured:   underwear (5 pairs), socks (4-5 pairs), and shorts (2-3 pairs always  for the gymnasts, who wear them year-round at practice, and 2-3 pairs only seasonally for the non-gymnasts)

And that's it.

Really.

That's all that we keep on hand.  When things wear out, we replace them as needed.   When they're cold, they put on a fleece-type jacket.   When they get dirty, they get changed, and at the very latest, those dirty clothes are washed and back in their drawers within two days.

The only downside to these "capsule" wardrobes that we've found is when we're going on extended trips without guaranteed access to laundry facilities.  Typically, that has only happened when we're camping.....and you're supposed to be dirty when you're camping, so it's not a big deal.  The benefits (specifically the getting rid of the "overwhelming/panic inducing" feature of overstuffed closets) have been worth it.    The kids are now not stressed out when getting dressed.....they're able to manage their clothing *on their own*.....and we aren't wasting clothing, space, or money anymore.

I'm still working on adjusting my own closet/clothing supply, but the principles are the same for Mike and I, too.   Losing weight has caused a little bit of changing things up and I'm still sorting out what fits and what doesn't fit, but my goal is to get back down to these smaller wardrobes for me, too.   It works for the kids....and it works for adults, too!    

You should try it - you can climb and conquer Mt Washmore, too!!

My 9 Go-To Kid-friendly, Macro-friendly Vegetarian Meals

About 6 months ago, Mike and I decided that we needed to do something to take charge of our health.    Well, really, I guess you could say it was around a year ago.  We'd been praying and discerning the idea of a second adoption, and what we both kept coming back to (and guys, it was VERY clear that we were supposed to be actually discerning something else, not an adoption, but that's a story for another blog post), was that we needed to change our life first before adding to our family.   His job kept him away from home a good 12 hours a day, and those were "normal office days".   That didn't even include the once-a-week 24 hour call shift, and every 3rd to 4th weekend 72-hour call shift.....where he usually didn't sleep more than a couple of hours, and was eating crap snacks just to be able to power through them.   His "normal" days often started around 5:30 in the morning, so he could be at work by 7 for a pre-office meeting, then his lunch "break" would be filled with at least 1-2 more meetings, and then he'd often have a post-office meeting, keeping him from getting home until 6:30/7pm.  Every non-meeting minute was filled with patient care and appointments.  No time to eat, no time to exercise, and often so tired that he'd be falling asleep on the couch, unable to interact with (or help with) the kids.   

It hadn't always been this way, but as his responsibilities at work increased with taking a director position in addition to his clinical load, we found that the stress at home was too much to bear.   He wasn't happy with having to be so focused and occupied by work, even though he loved the patient care part, and I was buckling under the stress of caring for 6 kids at home.  Kids who were getting older and more involved in activities and sports and whose academic loads (that I was responsible for, as a homeschooling parent) were growing exponentially.  Our choices were to grin and bear it, or make a lifestyle change for the better.

We sat down and tried to figure out just what we could change to make life better.  We could give up homeschooling and try to lighten my load that way (but traditional schools come with their own stressors and strains, so that wasn't perfect), we could hire help for me around the house (we already paid someone else to do landscaping and had a handyman for the repairs around the house that Mike couldn't get to, and honestly, our budget couldn't stretch much more), he could step down from his director position (which would involve a pay cut), we could ask the kids to give up their loved sports (which would also disconnect them socially from most of their friends, since we were homeschoolers), or we could do something wild and crazy and find a new job for Mike and move.

We opted for the latter, which is probably pretty evident from my last post.   We moved halfway across the country for a job that pays less, but required much less time away from the family, and was only a few hours from his side of the family.    We'd get to move back into the more rural setting that I love (I love living in the middle of nowhere), and the kids wouldn't have to give up their favorite sports or activities.   Mike would get to go back to just patient care, instead of administration, and our budget would actually be more flexible because of the difference in the cost of living.   

It was a really hard decision to make - we'd never thought we'd leave Maine - but it was definitely the right decision.   Family life/work balance is back to where we needed it to be, in order to take care of ourselves and our children.   

With our family life back in balance, we started working on getting ourselves healthier.  We both hired a nutrition/diet coach (and friend and fellow adoptive mother), and started workout programs.   As of right now, I've lost 38 lbs, and he's just behind me at just about 25 pounds.   

The number one question we get asked is "What are you doing to lose weight?

Well, that answer is easy:  we're counting macros, the slang term for macronutrients.  We track our fat grams, carbohydrates, and protein daily.   Each of us has a different goal that we're aiming to hit every day, and our coach helps us adjust that to keep the weight loss progression.

The second answer I get asked is this:  WAIT, but aren't you guys vegans?  How do you do that?

Okay, that's technically two questions, but they're usually asked in the same message, so I counted it ask one.   This answer is a little bit harder for me.   We never were 100% vegan - I love feta cheese and bacon too much to do that.   We do prefer vegetarian menus and options, as a whole, and always aimed for a 90%veggie/10%animal protein split in our daily diets.   (based on caloric intake).  This has not changed, but it has gotten trickier.   In the process of watching our macros, I started to realize just how many carbs (easily 200-250/day) I'd been eating with very little fat or protein (I was lucky to get to 50 gm fat and maybe 30-40 gm protein) per day.   While that might be good for maintenance, it wasn't right for fat loss for me at that point in time.  I do rely on a once-a-daily smoothie with protein powder and greek yogurt for a huge chunk of my protein goals.  Without that, it would be even harder to hit my macros.  

It seems that most people rely on meat to get to their protein goals when counting macros, and the interwebz are very lacking when it comes to veggie-based macro friendly meals and recipes.   Especially ones that my kids would eat.   My kids are very good, not-so-picky eaters, but even they turn their noses up at high-tofu meals and the like. 

With that in mind, I wanted to share with you 9 of my go-to, Circus-clown-approved, macro-friendly vegetarian meals.  These are my regulars that I keep in rotation.  We do eat meat occasionally, usually meals that are "traditional" in our families (like tortiere at the holidays, or kielbasa and cabbage when Mike's Ukrainian is showing), but we try to stick to these meals in our regular weekly menus.   I'll link to the source below, and then describe any changes I make to them for our macro-purposes, and their macro counts.  My goal for meals is to have lots of "individual options", so that we can adjust it with toppings/sides to meet our own personal goals.  Unless I state otherwise, I make 6 servings out of the recipes, as written on the links, regardless of what they list the serving count as.  

Full disclosure: this is Easter dinner, and we did have ham, so not a vegetarian-meal picture!  haha

1.  Indian Creamed Spinach - To make this more macro-friendly, I add 1 lb of paneer (a soft Indian cheese), and double the amount of spinach.  You can make your own, or usually pick it up at grocery stores like Whole Foods.   Mike needs more carbs than me, so I'll usually serve brown rice on the side, and take a little bit for me and he'll take a full serving.  For the kids, I serve with naan bread.  Some sort of fruit usually rounds out the table.   Macros:  28 Fat, 8 Carbs (sans rice), and 20 Protein

2.  Sticky Sesame Cauliflower and egg drop soup - My kids love this one, and I usually bulk it up by adding broccoli (macros are for cauliflower only).  Tofu is an easy addition to this one, if you need to bulk up the protein.  Homemade egg drop soup is easy - bring some chicken broth to a boil, and then stir in beaten eggs.  I usually add sliced green onions on top when serving, but it's not necessary.   I'll serve with rice, but don't usually take some myself.  Macros: Cauliflower - 9 Fat, 27 Carbs, 4 protein; Egg drop soup - 2 fat, 3 carbs, 3 protein

3.  Baked falafel -  Guys, I cannot express to you just how much I love this recipe.  I make it at least once a week.  It's easy, quick, super versatile, and delicious.    I typically eat it on a salad with Bolthouse Farms ranch dressing (low carb and high protein, as it's yogurt based), adding feta cheese to increase the protein count and deliciousness, but it's easy to do in a lettuce wrap, a pita (how the kids love it), or just plain and dipped into ranch or tzatziki.    The leftovers are great and freeze wonderfully.   Macros:  7 Fat, 8 Carbs, 3 Protein

4.  Spring Pea and Asparagus Pasta - This falls into the "feels indulgent" category for me, since it's pasta-based.   I love recipes like this because they help me meet my goals, without making me feel like I'm missing out on something.   A diet won't actually stick if you feel like you're sacrificing something you love.  Pasta is always a hit with the Circus clowns, too, so this is a great spring-time recipe.  I'll serve it with fresh Parmesan cheese as a topping (it has some in it already, but you can always add more for yumminess and to increase the protein:  Parm cheese is about 1Fat, 0 Carbs, 2 Protein per tablespoon).  Macros:  15 Fat, 26 Carbs, 10 Protein

5.  Black Bean and Quinoa Burgers - This is a go-to freezer meal for me.  Simply make a bunch, allow it to cool, and then freeze in a ziplock bag, with waxed paper between the layers of burgers.   It reheats easily.   Adding cheese increases the fat and protein counts, and Mike can add a whole wheat bun to bump up his carbs.  We usually have salads on the side.  Macros:  7 Fat, 17 Carbs, 5 Protein

6.  Miso Noodle Soup - This one does have tofu in it, but the kids don't seem to mind it as much in soup form, as long as I cut it up into pretty small chunks.   Mike and I aren't big tofu fans, either, but this works.   It's a great busy night meal, with salads (or sushi!) on the side.   Macros:  3 Fat, 15 Carbs, 9 Protein

7.  West African Peanut Soup - It never fails:  I make this recipe (or send it to someone) and the response I get is a confused, "What the heck is this weird thing?" look......and then they take a bite.  It is one of the yummiest, most amazing soups that we've ever made at home.   I serve it with some sort of flat bread, and salads on the side.  I also add a diced sweet potato into the recipe (macros include the sweet potato).  It is crazy filling and a great dinner for a winter night.  Macros:  12 Fat, 17 Carbs, 7 Protein  

8.  Roasted Butternut Squash Risotto - This is another one of those "decadent" meals that helps me recognize that this way of dieting doesn't mean giving up things that I love.   It honestly feels like a splurge, but fits right into my macros easily.   Adding Parmesan cheese on top would also bump up the fat and protein content (which is what Mike usually does), and a salad on the side will round out the meal.   The kids *love* this one and we hardly ever have leftovers!  Macros:  22 Fat, 36 Carbs, 10 Protein

9.  Crock Pot Black Beans/Burrito bar - this one is typically on our weekly menus as "knock-off Chipotle night", and the kids look forward to it every week!   I start with a base of these black beans in my crock pot, and serve with cilantro-lime rice, roasted bell peppers and onions, salad fixings, different salsas, tortilla chips, cheese, sour cream and avocados.   I can't really give an accurate macro count because there's SO MUCH flexibility with this one, but wanted to share the bean recipe.  It's a good one, and a great base for a macro-friendly, vegetarian salad, taco, or burrito.

So there you go - a basic list of macro-friendly, kid-approved vegetarian recipes to use when trying to stick to a vegetarian diet while counting macros.   Like I said above, I do rely on getting a good 30-40 grams of protein daily through a smoothie (typically fruit, protein powder, almond milk, and greek yogurt), eggs, and one snack of cottage cheese, but the rest of my day comes from meals like this.   With a little planning ahead and meals like the ones above, I'm usually able to hit my protein goal without blowing my carb count (the biggest struggle with eating veggie and counting macros).   All of the recipes above have been kid-approved, and most of them freeze well for busy nights (the ones with more dairy, like the creamed spinach, would be the exception).  I hope you can put them to good use and work some new recipes into your rotations at home!

Have a great Monday, y'all!  

Wading back into the water

I may have broken a new record with time away from the blog.  Whoops.  Sorry, y'all!   I'll try to be better from now on.   

To be honest, my biggest reason for not blogging recently is just that I don't know what to say.  Maybe it's a touch of writer's block, maybe it's fear of putting myself out there, maybe it's just being super busy.  I'm not sure.   What I do know is that I desperately miss writing, and need to make more time for it in my day-to-day life.   I may not have a ton of important things to say, or even get the most clicks out there.....but I miss having a place to go and just write.

So here we are, back in the Circus Tent.  A lot has happened in two years.   Shall I catch you up?  (like there's any other option, haha).

So the Reader's Digest version of happenings at the Circus Tent....here you go:

Miss E is growing like a weed and is no longer a teeny tiny baby, but a full-on toddler.  With full-on toddler likes and dislikes and funny stories and tantrums.   And currently in the "must stick to Mom like velcro" stage.   I'm sure you can imagine how much fun that is.  ;)

We've moved across the country yet again.  We're now in the midwest again, in what we lovingly refer to as the "frozen tundra" of the United States.   Or as the boys call it, the "Arctic of the United States."  Don't believe me?   Here's proof - this is what we did today.  On April 7th.  

Why yes, that's snow.   A good 5-7 inches of fresh powder.  We're going snow shoeing as a family through it.   It feels like it's 16 degrees outside.   Welcome Spring!

In all honesty, though, we're enjoying this winter.   It's not as bad as what I was anticipating, even after living in Maine.  Just like in Maine, no one is scared of the winter and the cold here - you just bundle up and go outside and enjoy it anyway.   We've rediscovered a love of winter sports, and I'm actually not impatiently waiting for the snow to melt.   I'm dreading mud season starting.  

Everyone's growing bigger and stronger and smarter.  I'm standing at the edge of homeschooling high school with Mr J, which is slightly terrifying, so if you have advice for that, send it my way.  I'll take it all!  The rest of the kiddos are plugging along, and homeschooling is still the right choice for our family.

Mike's job is what brought us back to the midwest.   We loved Maine, but after a really scary health issue (I got pneumonia which morphed into sepsis and was really sick for months, which led to discovering that I have an aortic aneurysm - basically a bubble in my aorta), we realized that we were pushing ourselves too hard, too much, and were too stressed.  We wanted to be back around family again, and wanted to slow down our pace of life.   Mike wanted to be home and able to be a father again, instead of working 12-13 hours a day and collapsing into bed when he got home, only to get up and work a 24-72 hour shift once awake again.   His profession necessarily requires a crazy, hard schedule, but it's better now.  

My biggest commitment recently has been getting my health back in order.   I'd managed to pack on a good 60 pounds since moving back to Maine, and while two babies in two years had something to do with that, the real truth was that our lifestyle and the stress that came with it led to a lot of putting myself last.   I didn't take care of myself.   That's been my biggest goal since moving last November, and I'm happy to report that I've lost almost 40 pounds.  I still have almost 40 to go, but I'm getting there.   I finally have hope again that it's possible.

One of the goals with our move was to allow me more time to write - to check in with you guys, to develop some ideas that have been bouncing around in my head, and share a little bit more of our life with you.   A crazy, Catholic, homeschooling, Down syndrome advocating, vegetarian loving, chaotic three ring circus.   I hope you'll join me!