As a lot of you know already, my grandmother passed away this week. While it wasn’t necessarily unexpected - she’d been in relatively poor health for awhile, and slowly getting weaker - it was definitely not expected to happen this week. Nor was it expected to happen so quickly - literally hours after phone calls and messages started getting sent amongst family members that Grandma wasn’t doing too well.
I’m struggling a bit with the news. Again, it’s not like I didn’t know it was coming, it’s just that I wasn’t expecting it to happen this week. I guess I thought I still had time to talk to her and maybe get down to see her (she lived in TX, while we’re in the tundra). Life circumstances over the last few years made getting down to see her pretty much impossible with Mike’s job, Mr T’s health, and my own health complications. Throw the cost of flying across the country with children into the mix, and we just hadn’t yet been able to make it work. I’d done a reasonably well job at keeping in contact via email and Skype, but I could definitely have done better. My week has been full of both guilt of not doing a better job with staying in touch, and sadness of the loss of someone who was not only one of the most faithful Catholic witnesses in my life growing up, but also someone who was incredibly supportive and encouraging in my own walk of trying to live an authentically Catholic life.
But most of all, there’s just plain sadness that she’s gone. I know that I can do my job now, and pray for her, and hope that she’s in Heaven, enjoying the beatific vision, but I’m sad with the thought of her no longer being present here on Earth. I suppose that’s the “typical” reaction for anyone who loses someone that they love, but it’s been so long since I personally have lost a family member or friend that I’m unsure of what is “right” to say or do.
As much as I’d love to have Mike around this week for the sole fact that I really, truly am struggling to parent on a mental level (Netflix and take out dinners are my friend right now) and having another adult around would be amazingly helpful with that, there is a silver lining to this happening during a single parenting week. Namely…..I’ve been able to spend a lot of time in my own head, sorting through my thoughts and emotions, and I’m not sure I would have really been able to do that with him around. This is giving me a little bit of time to really do the introvert thing and lose myself in my own head (which is healing for me), without the guilt of feeling like I need to talk about it because I know he’s trying to support me through this. I’m not sure if that makes sense, but I know that by the time he’s back from his call shift, I will feel more ready to work through the grief in a more “public” nature, and talk through things with him.
One of the things that keeps coming to my mind as I’m working through my emotions and responses to my grandmother’s death is this: the need to be gentle with myself and the benefits of flexible dieting in this situation. I know, I know, it seems weird to jump right into talking about dieting right after I tell you all that my grandmother just passed away, but bear with me for a minute.
You see, I’m not sure how I’d handle this if I wasn’t so far along on this flexible dieting journey right now. Actually, that’s not true. I know exactly how I’d handle this: take out Thai food for every meal, a beer or glass of wine every day, and lots of ice cream and chocolate in between those two things.
And it’s not that those things are BAD, per se. All of those things are delicious and part of my normal diet and lifestyle.
But not at the quantities I’d be enjoying if this had happened a year or so ago. I’m positive of that.
This last 8 months or so of flexible dieting has given me a set of tools that I wasn’t really aware of before now. I mean, sure, I’ve mentioned them and even said some of these things to friends and family, but I truly didn’t realize just how much they’d become a part of my standard tool kit in my own life.
I decided to take a few minutes today to write down some of these tools and tips that have been coming to mind over the last few days, in hopes that maybe something here will resonate with one of you dear readers, and will help you in the future when life throws you a curveball.
Because it will. Curveballs are coming. They will always be there, and it’s up to us to build up the tools we need to navigate through them without letting our healthy habits crash and burn.
So, here they are - my Do’s and Do Not’s for when life throws you a curveball. I hope they help you, like they’re helping me this week.
What to Do and Do Not Do When Surviving Curveballs
- Do choose foods and activities that are as healthy as possible, but do not hyper focus and stress on them. Every good choice will move you forward so much more than any bad choice will move you backward.
- Do get some sleep. Your body and mind need that time to repair the things that the stress will do to them. Do not set any alarms that aren’t necessary. Let your body and mind heal.
- Do let yourself cheat a little bit. Enjoy those comfort foods. There’s a reason that we even have the phrase “comfort foods.” Eat the things that make you think of home, or your childhood, or happier days. Just do not pig out. Remember that it’s all about moderation.
- Do make sure to sneak workouts into your day. They may not be the workouts you’re used to, but make sure you are moving and getting that blood pumping in some way. Do not workout as a way to avoid what needs to be done, though.
- Do accept help when it is offered to you, but do not be scared to say no if it’s not helpful. In my own life, it is helpful to have meals delivered (so I say yes when someone says “Can I bring you a dinner/breakfast/etc?”. It is not actually helpful to have my big kids go over to someone else’s house for a playdate, so I’ll turn those offers down).
- Do take tracking your food on a day by day basis. I didn’t track Tuesday or Wednesday, because it was too stressful to me to see my macros so far off and I needed to focus on letting meals be easy more than they were nutritious. Do not give up on tracking completely, though. Set a date where you will tentatively pick it back up again (Tomorrow for me). When you get to that date, start logging your food or whatever else it is that you are tracking, and here’s the important piece: If you’re not ready yet, it's okay to set a new date. Just remember that your goal is to start tracking again, and truly keep that goal in mind.
- Do tell people what’s going on. Your friends and family care about you. Let them in a little bit and let them know what you’re going through and experiencing. Do not feel the need to answer the phone when it rings, though. Do it on your own schedule, not someone else’s. It’s okay to call someone back when you’re ready. Just because the phone is ringing does not mean that you need to answer it.
- Do take time for yourself. I’m currently taking a “self care gymnastics practice” where my oldest is babysitting the little ones so I can focus on getting some time to write and soothe my own soul. Do not feel guilty about putting your own self care first sometimes.
- Do check in with others who are in the situation with you, if that’s applicable. Family members or friends who are dodging the same curveball that you are. Do not get tunnel vision - remember that you are not alone in this experience, and stay connected.
- Do get outside and get moving. Never underestimate the power of fresh air and Vitamin D. Just do not get sunburnt.
- Do remember that you are human and need to be cared for, too. You are not a robot. You need love and care, and never is that more important than when you’re dealing with a crisis, whether physical, spiritual, or emotional. Do not go on auto-pilot. I repeat, you are not a robot.
- Do remember that life is more than food. Food is nourishment. It doesn’t have super powers and isn’t a master of Jedi mind control. Food is food, and nothing else. There is more to life than food. It’s probably likely that there will be a lot of food choices out of your control in a time like this, so your goal is to remember that food is not in control, either. Do not stop making the next right choice, but remember that the next right choice might mean that you give something else priority over what food is on your plate.
- Do remember that this is almost always temporary. Do not give in to despair.
- Do break tasks and goals into manageable chunks. I have a group of friends that start a “group of threes” thread on our website every day - they break their daily tasks and goals into groups of three and work on only three things at a time. During a curveball time period like now, my groups of threes may be built out of pretty basic tasks (brush teeth/make bed/pray…..wash dishes/send texts/drink water….eat lunch/drive to gymnastics/check mail). All things that on a normal day are pretty routine and I don’t even think about them…..but on a non-normal day, I need more focus. Even though something as simple as remembering to brush my teeth or drink a glass of water is a total no-brainer on a normal day and never on my 3s list, on a non-normal day, those are the things that are the first to be forgotten. Here’s the catch though: do not write the groups of threes in pen. Dry erase markers and boards will be your friend. Remember that it’s okay to erase and regroup as many times as necessary.
- Do seek help if you need it. Do not hide away. There are people - professionals, even - who have bigger "power tools" in their toolbox if you need them. Reach out to them if you need to. You are not a failure if you need a bigger tool than what you have in your possession.
So, there you have it. My current guide for living through life’s curveballs.
What would you add to my list?
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In your charity, I'm asking for prayers for my grandmother (Catherine) and my family.
Requiem aeternam dona eis, Domine.
Et lux perpetua luceat eis.
Fidelium animae, per misericordiam Dei, requiescant in pace. Amen.
