Alright, so you guys know that I've kind of been on a "holy crap, take care of yourself, Heidi" journey over the last 8 months or so. My pneumonia/sepsis experience, coming soon after a round of shingles (at 35!! No one should get shingles at 35!), and talking about it to close friends after the fact, made me realize that we Americans are just crappy at taking care of ourselves. Physically, spiritually, emotionally. You name it. We're really, really good at putting ourselves to the limit because of some weird cultural expectation to be ALL.THE.THINGS to ALL.THE.PEOPLE at ALL.OF.THE.TIME.
Except ourselves.
We're really, really good at ignoring our own needs, physically, emotionally, and spiritually. We're really, really good at forgetting that we've been given this great gift of life that we are supposed to be a good steward of, and supposed to be using for good.
We can't use our gift of life for good if we're too exhausted to get out of bed. If we wear ourselves down so much that we are dangerously sick. If we can't find the Beauty in every day life anymore.
It's *not being selfish* to recognize when your own body and soul need a bit of nourishment. Just like we parents recognize when our kids need a little downtime -or even a nap - in order to be their best selves....we need to give ourselves the grace to recognize the same thing in ourselves.
I know, I know. This is *hard* to do, especially with our schedules and demands that have gotten placed on each and every one of us. I really, truly do know this - I have six kids, after all!! Time to myself is few and far between (Mike does try REALLY hard to make sure I get that alone time - he knows how important it is to me), so I've had to figure out ways to do a little self care and recharging without leaving the house, and usually with the kids around. Now, I do have two kids who are old enough to babysit and that has DRASTICALLY changed my ability to do some of these more extensive self-care things. That being said, most of the things on this list I could do when they were smaller and I was unable to leave the house.
One of the best things that I ever did in the way of self care - and why I ever let it slide, I don't know, but after the pneumonia experience, I brought it back super swiftly - was give myself the permission to take "smoke breaks." (I don't smoke, y'all. I just called them that as a tongue-in-cheek thing). At every out-of-the-house job that I have ever worked, it was either required or totally accepted (if I was salaried) that a person needed 10-15 minute breaks throughout their day. Usually one or two during the course of an eight hour workday. I don't know why it took me so long to apply that to home, but when we started homeschooling, I quickly realized that I needed to treat my day-to-day responsibilities as if I was working a paid job. I started to look at my "job" as being the caretaker and educator to a gaggle of little souls. If I was at a "real job", I'd get a lunch break and at least one smoke break. A lunch break wasn't really feasible as a way to recharge - I had to help the kiddos eat, usually - but a smoke break? Yeah. I could insist on a 10 minute chunk of time that I needed to give to myself. It was easiest when everyone was napping (except for having to force myself to actually REST instead of cram in more chores), but once they started to skip naps, I implemented what a friend called "Feet Off The Floor" time. I'd put classical music or Gregorian chant on the Pandora station, and everyone knew that FOTF time had begun. I didn't care *what* they were doing, as long as it was quiet and their feet were not touching the floor. Napping, sitting on the couch reading, drawing, whathaveyou. I didn't care as long as they were still and it was quiet.
For some reason, FOTF time was erased from our daily routine at some point, and as soon as I needed to recover from being so sick, I brought it back. It originally was explained as "Mom needs to take it easy so she can get better", but we've kept it, even as I recovered fully from the pneumonia. I've given myself permission to stop my duties for 10 or 15 minutes, and take a "smoke break". (After making sure everyone is safe and supervised, of course!).
I've kept track of my activities over the last few days, and asked around for ideas from friends, and that has led to a pretty extensive list of things to fill your smoke breaks with. Most of these can be done at home - some *with* your kids - and are either free or cheap. Sometimes you need more than a smoke break, though, so I did include ones that were longer, more expensive and/or more intensive. Hopefully these will help you work some "take care of your gift of self" time into your day!
80+ Ways to Take Care of Yourself as a Busy Parent
1. Drink a cup of tea
2. Read a book - or magazine - or blog post - or news article - whatever you love - for 5 minutes
3. Have a cup of coffee while it's hot (or before the ice melts if it's iced coffee!)
4. Apply some yummy smelling lotion. I really like
Aveda's Stress Fix lotion for this purpose - the combination of senses (touch of putting on lotion and the smell of stress relieving oils) really helps me!
5. Take a quick shower - again, make good use of those smelly soaps and lotions!
6. If you have an older child who can help with child care, or it's nap time for little ones, work out! I know it feels like you don't really *want to do it*, but the high from the endorphins after the fact will be worth it.
7. Take 5 minutes to stretch. The kids can do it right on the floor next to you, and you can even put on some calming music. You'll all feel refreshed afterward!
8. Take a quick nap. Just close your eyes for while, so you don't see the chores that need to be done. They'll still be there when you wake up, and you'll have more energy to get them done efficiently.
9. Grab a healthy pick-me-up snack of fruit and nuts. The fruit will give you the quick sugar/carb boost, and the nuts will fuel you for a couple of hours.
10. Apply some aromatherapy oils on your pressure points. Again, I like the Stress Fix line for this. Close your eyes and take a deep breath and really focus on the scent - be fully aware of where you are and what you're doing.
11. Switch up the music! At our house, we play Pandora through the tv app pretty much all day long. A simple change in music channel can do wonders for your mood and energy!
13. Grab a set of weights at the store (
or on Amazon) and use them to squeeze in a 5 minute workout. I tend to do a quick arm workout because the kids like to do it next to me and we do funny animal impressions at the same time.
14. Wash your face. You'll instantly feel refreshed.
15. Write a friend a quick email, just to check in. You'll not only be taking care of yourself with the feeling of connection to another person, but you'll be taking care of them, too.
16. Take a dance break! Use those Pandora stations to show the kids what dances were popular when you were younger!
17. Work in a 10 minute Pilates session. Amazon has quite a few free ones available on Amazon Prime for instant viewing.
18. Use a face masque. Again, it'll take just a couple of minutes, the kids can even hang out with you while you do it (or do it while they're in the bathtub!), and you'll feel refreshed and re-energized once it's done.
19. Brush and style your hair. Seriously, guys. Even if you've already done it once that day, do it again. A simple act of physical self care will boost your mood.
20. Send a quick text to a friend. Just like shooting an email, it will benefit both of you!
21. GET DRESSED. Pajama pants or yoga pants are great, I know! I wear them often! BUT.....there's nothing quite as energizing and mood boosting as getting yourself all prettied up and coordinated.....even if it's just a pair of jeans and a shirt that fits and doesn't have baby spit up on it.
22. Grab a notebook and start a journal. Write for 5 minutes, even if it's just segments of sentences or quotes that you've heard that day (either from "real" people or kid quotes!). Doodle in the margins. Engage your brain.
23. Brush your teeth, then floss, then rinse. It'll take you 4 minutes, tops, and will leave you feeling great. (and less likely to use food/snacking to "take care of yourself")
24. Call a friend! This is obviously much harder to do when the kids are little and around, but it's not impossible. Just take a few minutes to reach out - even if it's to leave a funny voicemail on their phone! We are meant to be in communion with other people - we are a species that needs to be in relationship. We just seem to forget it often.
25. Take 5 minutes to look - really LOOK - for a moment of Beauty in your life. Go outside, watch the kids faces and activities, look around your house. Find a glimpse of something beautiful, and snap a picture of it with your phone to look at later when you need a pick-me-up.
26. Do your make up! I'm not much of a make up girl, but I know some people are. Just like getting dressed in nice clothes, getting yourself made up will help you feel energize and ready for whatever comes your way.
27. Listen to a podcast while doing chores. There are so many out there - surely something will tickle your fancy! I personally listen to Word on Fire and Radiolab episodes on a regular basis. It's a bit trickier with kids around, but ear buds with one of them out (so I can hear the kids) lets me listen to something edifying while I'm doing dishes, or folding laundry, or some other mundane task.
28. Practice the
5-4-3-2-1 method. It worked wonders for me when I was dealing with
postpartum anxiety, but it also works great for refocusing your brain during the day. I spend a lot of time trying to fight the "woe is me" attitude throughout the day, and doing this really helps me realize what GOODNESS there is in my daily life. Take 2 minutes to find 5 things you can see, 4 things you can touch, 3 things you hear, 2 things you smell, and 1 thing you taste. I'll sometimes even walk the kids through it as a way to refocus everyone's attitudes.
29. Take a 10 minute break to weed the garden or yard or wherever needs a little loving outside. The fresh air and physical labor might leave you a bit dirtier than when you started, but you'll feel great seeing the progress made.
30. Give yourself a little pressure point massage. Oils or not, doing this will help you!
31. Take a walk! Load the kids up in a stroller or carrier, and get outside and take a walk. While you're out and about, look for those signs of beauty in your life!
32. On your walk, grab some rocks/stones. Take them home and paint them.
Kindness rocks are all the rage right now, and it's a fun activity for kids (and adults) of all ages. Paint them, then take another walk (self care, round 2!) to go hide them somewhere!
33. Go back to kindergarten. No joke. You don't even need the kids to do this - I won't tell if you pick up a jump rope and start jumping on our own. Play hopscotch. Remember what it was like to go to recess as a 5 year old, and recreate it. Your blood will get pumping, and I guarantee that there will be laughter!
34. Curl up on the couch (we keep a stack of blankets nearby, just for this reason!) and listen to a story.
Audible and
Librivox are both great options for digital audiobooks. Let your mind focus on the story - don't think about your to-do list or anything else. Simply cuddle up and let your mind imagine....
35. Do a puzzle! Any kind - word search, crossword puzzle, sudoko, or a jigsaw puzzle. Engage that brain of yours!
36. Have a Poetry Tea Party. This can be done with or without the kids, but brew some tea, and sit down and read some poetry selections, aloud. We just pull out our
poetry book for schoolwork, but you can grab whatever your favorite is.
37. Play with legos! We have an endless supply of these tiny plastic bricks at our house (or ate least it seems like we do), and I'll often just pull out the big bin and work on creating something....with or without the kids. It's a quick, easy way to focus on your creative spirit, and can almost be meditative in nature.
38. Color!
39. Take 10 minutes to prep some produce for the fridge. I often will spend one or two nights a week, doing this for an hour or so at a time, but when our schedule doesn't allow that, quick little sessions are the way to go. In ten minutes, you can prep almost anything, and move it into the fridge for later consumption. The activity is mindless and usually repetitive (giving you time to destress), and the bonus is that you'll be able to take care of yourself later by munching on healthful food!
40. Write a poem. Our favorites around here are haikus and limericks, but a poetry writing session almost always ends in laughter for all.
41. Give yourself a pedicure! It doesn't have to be intense or take a long time - sometimes just a little shaping and light nail polish will go a long way - but it's amazing how something as simple as making our feet pretty can change your attitude and outlook on things!
42. Spend 5 minutes looking for a new recipe. I know not everyone likes to spend time in the kitchen like I do, but almost everyone I know likes to try something new at the dinner table. Sometimes it's a winner, sometimes it's a flop, but it can be exciting and energizing to break out of your box and routine every so often.
43. Learn a new fact! Again, engage that brain of yours!
Mental Floss is a fun place to go to learn random information about this world of ours! It might even give you an edge the next time you play trivia with friends. ;)
44. Draw a picture! I'm not an artist, by any means, but taking 5 minutes to doodle or try to put my thoughts into a visual picture can be both refreshing and entertaining, all at once. We play a game with the kiddos along these lines - fold a piece of paper into thirds. The first person draws a bottom half of a person on the lower third of paper, and then flips it over. Without looking at what the first person drew, the second person draws a torso on the middle section of folded paper and flips it over. Without looking at the first two drawings, the last person draws the head of a person on the top folded section. Unfold the paper, and you'll giggle at what your collective minds put together!
45. Get a manicure! I'm not as good at this as the pedicure, I'll admit, but it's fun to pretty yourself up a little bit and is super cheap to do on your own. You can do a quick one in as little as 10 minutes, so squeezing it in after the kids' bedtime and before your own is usually do-able. Brew some tea, and light some candles, and you've got an inexpensive, quick spa trip!
46. Pray. This should really be higher on the list, I'll admit. Sometimes we allow ourselves to get into a rut with praying, and it becomes routine. I know that I have certain habits and times of the day that are set aside for prayer, and if I'm not careful, I'll end up not really focusing on it and just mumbling my way through the motions. By adding in a 5 minute prayer time, I'm not only caring for myself, I'm caring for my relationship with God.
47. Grab a tennis ball and give yourself a massage against a wall! I may be doing this a lot today, after a new strength training workout and then using a push mower on hills all last night!
48. Grab those oils that we used on pressure points above, and give yourself a scalp massage. There's nothing quite like it for refocusing and re-energizing throughout the day. If you're careful and strategic, you can get the benefit without having to wash your hair again. ;)
49. Walk the dog, or take him outside to play fetch! Animals are great partners in self care - they don't care what chores you "should be doing" - they just want to spend time with you and are incredibly happy to do so. That love and joy will rub off of on you!
50. Organize ONE drawer: the kitchen junk drawer, one dresser drawer, one school supplies drawer, one tool drawer. Whatever it is that is bothering you - take 5 minutes to organize it. You'll feel accomplished and ready to conquer whatever is next!
51. Meet a friend for coffee. Obviously, this is something that requires a little bit more involvement if you have kiddos that need care, but it's not impossible. Do a coffee playdate where the kids play at a park and you bring your own cup of joe, arrange for a babysitter, or meet at one of your houses. Take the time to reconnect with a friend, and savor the tastes and smells of the coffee. This can even work for introverts (I promise!).
52. Blow bubbles. Kids or no kids, there's something relaxing about watching bubbles floating through the air, picking up invisible currents on their way. I keep packs of bubbles from the dollar store in my stash of goodies at home, and I'm not always pulling them out for the kids' benefit. Sometimes it's for me. ;)
53. Open a closet and pull out some items to donate. Then go put them into your car to drop off the next time that you are out and about.
54. Drink a glass of water. I firmly believe that a good portion of our days can be salvaged by a simple glass of water - both for our kids and ourselves.
55. Take a bubble bath. This is another one that is typically an "after the kids go to bed" self care option for me, but it's a good one, nonetheless. There's almost nothing that a good bubble bath won't help.
56. Send a postcard. They're quick, easy to fill up, and usually visually rewarding. It'll be fun to know you're sending a surprise to a friend or family member, and it'll be incredible for them to open their mailbox and not see only bills inside!
57. Start a gratitude journal or tree - or add to one you already have. We typically put a
gratitude "tree" out around Thanksgiving, but I've been known to do one whenever we seem to have a run of crankiness in the Circus. It doesn't have to be Thanksgiving to feel grateful! Refocus yourself, one 5 minute break at a time - on the goodness in your life.
58. Rearrange some furniture. I remember coming home on a semi-regular basis to a house that had been moved around while I was at school. There's something uplifting and refreshing about a house when furniture has been rearranged - it's like that feeling after the Christmas decorations get put away. It's a fresh, blank slate for creativity and positivity.
59. Pick flowers for your kitchen table (or bring some home the next time you go to the store). Maybe it's because I'm a visual person, but the simple act of bringing beautiful flowers into our house is an incredible act of self care for me. Every time I walk by that burst of color for the next few days, I'm filled with a sense of peace and happiness.
60. Sit outside for 5 minutes and listen to the sounds of nature. I'll do this with the little ones when they're seeming cranky or need a break. We simply sit outside, close our eyes, and listen. The sound we here will wipe away any grumpiness and refocus our minds on the amazing gifts that we've been blessed with.
61. Learn about
lectio divina and work it into your day. I'll sometimes do a guided version with my older kids, but this is definitely a go-to option for me when I'm trying to consciously take care of myself. We are not just physical beings, and spiritual self-care needs to be on our radar. This is a good way to start.
62. Have a picnic! Kids or no kids, grab a blanket and eat your next meal on the ground. You can do this inside or outside, but the point is to make it different. Lay out a blanket, pack a picnic basket, and take your time enjoying a meal.
63. Dig out a board game and play! This is the time to put those Mental Floss articles to good use!
64. Give yourself permission to say no to something, and do it. We are so good at agreeing to do anything asked of us, that we often forget that it's perfectly acceptable to say no, too. Give yourself permission to put yourself and your family first, and say no to taking something new on.
65. Read short readings by wise people. I know we don't often have the time to dig into something meatier, but there are plenty of things out there that we can read a paragraph or two at a time, and gain a lot from it. My two go-to ones are the writings of
St Josemaria Escriva, and
Searching for and Maintaining Peace.
66. Learn about someone else. Not someone famous, but someone in your life now. Ask questions and really pay attention to the answers. Work on that relationship and bond, even if it's with your own kids!
67. Write a to-do list, and mark something off of it. The sense of accomplishment will motivate you, and you might find yourself doing more than just one thing!
68. Go to the library! You might be able to do this digitally, as well as physically, depending on your local library. Browse through the available books, and bring one home. Feed your brain!
69. Lock yourself in a room and sit and drink a glass of water/tea/coffee. Focus on your breathing. (this is a great time to work in prayer! hint hint). Take that time to refocus and reenergize. Even little kids can learn that this is a time that Mommy (or Daddy) needs to be left alone.
70. Go to Adoration! If it is available in your parish, take advantage of it. He's waiting for you.
71. If you're Catholic, visit the Sacraments. There is *no better way to practice self-care* than accepting those graces that are given through the sacraments.
72. Do a home repair fix that's been bugging you. We all have them - the list of things that need to be done that we hardly ever get to. The random things that need to be tightened, or cleaned, or replaced (lightbulbs are my mortal enemy, it seems - as soon as I get one replaced, another goes out!). Take 5 minutes to do this task -even better, use the 5 minutes to teach your kids how to do it! Their future spouse will thank you!
73. Make cookies!
74. .....then give them away. Self care doesn't have to mean gorging yourself on food and sweets and gaining 25 pounds. It can mean sending a plate of goodies to work, dropping them off in your parish office as a thank you, or freezing them for later donations. (I will make cookies and freeze them in ziplock bags of 2 dozen each - then when it's time to sign up for those potlucks that inevitably come with community functions, I'll sign up for 2 dozen cookies and have them ready to go! It's a twofer in the way of self care!).
75. Write a note of thanks to go with the cookies, if you're donating them right away.
76. Hug someone. Really hug them. Miss E is a pro at this - there's nothing that a big bear hug from her can't fix.
77. Make that doctor or dentist appointment that you've been meaning to make.....and go to it!
78. Tell someone thank you, or affirm them in some way. I've been on both ends of this - the giving and the receiving - and let me tell you, this is an incredible act of self care for all involved!
79. Hire a babysitter for that hour and go for a walk ALONE. I know it's hard to spend money on ourselves, but it doesn't have to be a regular thing, nor does it have to be expensive. One hour of babysitting is usually less than $15, and the benefits from getting out and clearing your head (and moving at the same time!) are immense. Do it once a month, and serve beans instead of meat one night a week. It'll balance out.
80. Find something new about your town, and then go explore it! There are lots of websites, like
Only In Your State that will give you ideas of things to see near you. Make a bucket list, and slowly work on crossing the items off!
81. Light a candle. Watch it for awhile, and smell in the scent. It doesn't have to be elaborate to be self-care. (just remember to blow the candle out before going anywhere!)
82. Watch a funny video. There's what seems like an endless supply of short, funny clips online. I've been known to just pull up clips of favorite sitcoms from when I used to watch them (college, I'm looking at you), and laugh my head off. Don't underestimate the power of a good belly laugh.
83. Sing a song! At the Circus, we commonly employ this method of self-care for all. In fact, as I write this, the Hamilton soundtrack is blaring, and the kids are all singing at the top of their lungs (even the littles). Musicals are our favorite go-to for singalongs, but you do you. ;)
84. Read a blog! (no, that's not a plug for my own! Cultivate your own blog roll, and explore what's out there). They're usually quick and entertaining, and I've had real friendships grow from blogs. They're not all naval-gazing wastes of time. We're hungry for connection......and blogs can get us out of that rut.
85. LOG YOUR FOOD! You knew it was coming, right? Take 5 minutes to log what you've eaten and plan out the rest of your day. You'll feel in control, and ready to conquer anything the day has to throw at you. And on a more practical level....maybe you'll actually eat food that day, instead of scrounging for bites of cold macaroni and cheese off of your kids' plates.
So...there you go. 80+ ways to take care of yourself, most of which can be worked into a typical day of a busy parent. Self care doesn't always mean bubble baths and alcohol (although it can mean that, too!). Sometimes it's simply taking the time to actually CARE for yourself and those around you and make sure you don't wear yourself out, physically, mentally, or spiritually.
Now, go on, and get to it!
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What would you add to my list? Leave a comment below!
As I creep back onto the blogging scene, I'm reminded of something that I've struggled with quite a bit in the past. I really think it can be all distilled down to a sin of pride, but that doesn't make it any less of a struggle. If anything, it's more of a struggle when it's looked at that way - it requires heroic virtue to combat. 
And, dagnabbit. That's so hard to do. It's so much easier to just show you glimpses that look perfect. The sunshine and smiles and cuddles. And keep the frustration and tears to myself. 
Fighting the temptation to throw my hands up in the air give up.
