Ladies, We Need to Have a Talk. Now.

Friends, we need to have a "come to Jesus" talk right now.

Ladies, this is mostly for you.  Men, you can follow along, because a lot of it will probably apply to you, too, but ladies?

I'm talking to you here.

I've written about this before, so maybe I'm just being redundant, but I really think I wasn't blunt enough the first time around.  This time?  I'm going to just come right out and say it:

Ladies, we are killing ourselves.

I don't mean this metaphorically.  I mean it quite literally, actually.

We are killing ourselves.

We're not even doing it slowly:  we are methodically and efficiently killing ourselves.

Ladies, when was the last time you got a full night of sleep?

Get this book if you're having
any period health issues.

When was the last time you had a real, painless, regular period? (sorry, guys, I have to go there.  I'll explain later).

When did you eat a real meal?  While it was hot?  While you were sitting down?

Maybe it's just a "mom thing" - you know, so busy with the kids and the house and the chores that you don't have time to do something so luxurious as cook your own meal for lunch.

I don't think so, though.

Too many of you have reached out to me over the last year:  depressed, lacking motivation, scared about what the future holds for you.  Sick.  Very physically ill, in most cases.

How many of you are losing hair?   Chalking it up to pregnancy hormones...even though the baby is two years old?  

How many of you find yourself waking up over and over and over again at night, and aren't really sure why?

How many of you watch life go by, but don't feel like you physically can join in?   

How many of you hurt when you walk or go up stairs or get down on the floor with your kids?

How many of you are scared that you're not going to live as long as your parents did?  Your grandparents?

Based on the number of messages I get on a regular basis.....I'd say a significant portion of you ladies reading this post have thought at least a couple of these things in the last few days.

Did it scare you to realize that you no longer were upset about not being able to keep up with your kids.....instead, you just didn't really even *want* to try to keep up with your kids any more?

Do you feel alone?

My first time being able to fit in a swing
at the park with the kiddos in YEARS

You shouldn't.   

You're actually very much not alone, based on emails and messages and questions that we've gotten in the last year at the Circus.

Ladies, we are killing ourselves.   

Those irregular, painful periods?   They're monthly evaluations that our body is trying to get us to pay attention to.  Our lack of sleep, our stress, our horrible diet patterns....they're all basically showing up in that period (assuming you aren't on birth control and are experiencing a true period).   Those symptoms?   They're showing us how we are killing ourselves.

Insomnia or lack of restful sleep?   Well, sleep begets sleep.  We know it, we live by it when our kiddos are tiny.   But do we apply it to ourselves?  Nope.  We just get up early and stay up late because we're under so much stress to DO ALL THE THINGS, BE ALL THE PEOPLE....and our hormones tank.   

We eat off of the kid's leftovers, or scarf down another meal replacement __________(fill in the blank here, they're all the same to me), or go through the drive thru one more time.   Then we beat ourselves up about it as we stuff it in our mouths and drive away.   It's a double whammy:  poor fuel for our lives along with a soundtrack of self-hate 

I get it.  I really, truly do.

We're busy.  We don't have a village anymore.   We are constantly scared of who is going to judge what we're doing and "turn us in".  

I'm right there with you.   I have 6 kids and a husband who works crazy hours.   One of those kids is not only adopted (which means invasive home studies and reports), but he's got some pretty visible special needs.   I'm scared *every single time* I leave the house with him to do something fun that this will be the day that a "Good Samaritan" decides that I have my hands too full and was neglecting him at the playground (even though I'm not, and I know he can do things like climb up the rock wall by himself.  You think I'm being dramatic?    I could probably buy a new car if I had $1 for every time someone has jumped in to "help" him at the playground when he didn't really need it.  Just something about him causes people to get a little panicked....).   

We live in a society that seems to have developed this idea that moms have to do it all and be everything and always be perfect.  Never a hair out of place, never a child's clothes mismatched, always with organic snacks and juice in the diaper bag.

I get it.  I feel it, too.   The stress, the worry, the fear that I'm somehow not sacrificing enough to be "doing a good job".   

The truth?

We will *never* be able to do a good job when we're sick (literally) and tired (literally).

Ask me how I know.

It's time for some straight talk now, ladies.

We need to stop this.  We need to stop allowing others to do this to us.  It will *not* be easy.   It will be hard and uphill and mentally exhausting at times.

But your life depends on it.  Literally.

I will be here, by your side, helping you muddle through.   Your kids and family will be *better* served by you being here.  I promise.

What I can't do is tell you what living looks like for you.   For me, it involved losing weight and redefining my relationship to food and exercise.   Mentally, it involved a lot of work on negative self-talk and self worth.   I should really say it "involves", present tense.    I'm still working on this - some days are better than others.   There are still a lot days where I have to convince myself that the time it will take to prep out easy, healthy foods will be worth it in the end.   Or that getting up off of my butt and going for a walk might be a "waste" of time when there's laundry to fold, but it will be a better use of my time, overall.   

There are days when I have to remind myself that *not caring* that life is passing me by is not an option any more.

Ladies, if you've been around long enough, you know that I'm not a fan of the fad diets or MLM pills and supplements and shakes and what-have-you.   Those are not what I'm talking about here.  I'm not suggesting that you go out and drop hundreds of dollars for the magic cure.

I'm sitting here, looking at you in the face (virtually), and saying:

"You deserve to *live* again.  I want to see you fully alive again.   It won't be easy, but it will be glorious, and you can do this."

Then take the next right step.  Whatever that is for you.   Go to sleep an hour earlier.   Eat a veggie at every meal.   Bump up your step count by 1500 steps.   

I like you.

I'm cheering you on.

You can do this.

Love,
Heidi