You have my permission....

Well, not really MY permission, because unless you're a Circus clown, that's kind of worthless, but here's St Josemaria's permission:

"Work is man's original vocation. It is a blessing from God, and those who consider it a punishment are sadly mistaken."   (Furrow, 482) To study, to work: these are inescapable duties for all Christians. They are means of defending ourselves from the enemies of the Church and of attracting, with our professional prestige, so many souls who, being good, fight in isolation. They are most fundamental weapons for whoever wants to be an apostle in the middle of the world.  (Furrow, 483) Let me stress this point: it is in the simplicity of your ordinary work, in the monotonous details of each day, that you have to find the secret, which is hidden from so many, of something great and new: Love.  (Furrow, 489) Let us work. Let us work a lot and work well, without forgetting that prayer is our best weapon. That is why I will never tire of repeating that we have to be contemplative souls in the middle of the world, who try to convert their work into prayer.  (Furrow, 497)

It's okay to be busy.  It's okay to work hard.  Even at motherhood.   Even as a housewife.   Dare I say that it's especially okay to work hard (and sometimes that means "a lot") at motherhood and as a housewife?   What really matters is HOW you are doing that work, not how much of it there is and whether or not you're doing "too much."  

And you see, no one can judge just exactly how you are doing that work except for yourself.

So, when I see things come across our Facebook newsfeed with the title "Dear Mom Who Does Too Much..." , I usually totally dismiss it.   People comment all of the time on how much that I appear to be "doing" and how they "don't know how I do it," implying that I'm extraordinarily busy.  And I'm pretty sure that they're thinking that I am, and that I must be ignoring something else in order to be as active as our family is, so I just ignore it.   But for some reason, I clicked on it today when it came across my newsfeed.   

The first thing that I noticed was the date.   Right near the end of the secular Christmas season, which is typically characterized by "hustle and bustle."   I want to assume that part of the "doing too much" that the title refers to might have to do with the time of year, but the authour doesn't reference that, so maybe not.    You decide for yourself. 

I started reading:

"You are constantly going. Wipe a nose, clean a dish, make a call, cook a fish, wipe the floor, make a bed, do some more, get ahead; you are always in a hurry."

Pause.  That was my morning, pretty much.   Well, except replace "make a call" with "send a text."  (Introverts unite!   Separately!)

I hate to break it to everyone out there, but......this is motherhood.  We *are* "constantly going."  We are constantly wiping noses (especially if you have an immunocompromised child like I do), wiping up the floor (toddlers), making a bed (I only make mine now and the clowns make their own, but still...it has to be made every day!).    I don't consider myself "always in a hurry" but I am constantly doing something.   Believe it or not, just sitting and reading a book with a child is "doing something", too.  ;)

I kept reading, and honestly, the blog post didn't really bother me all that much, because it didn't reflect our life all that much.   Constantly moving or "doing too much" doesn't stress me out to the point where I'm barking at people or annoyed by a child's giggle or yelling at Mike.    Being out of the house too much DOES do those things, but that's my introvertedness speaking, and a day of being at home (even if I'm wiping noses and folding laundry and making beds and cooking and cleaning) fixes that edginess. 

It wasn't until I got to the end that I was annoyed.   The authour writes:

"Reserve your yeses for things that really line up. Things that you’ve been missing out on in the midst of Chaos. The simple pleasures in life that you’ve been taking for granted.

The hugs, kisses, meaningful conversation. The relationships. The things that really make life worth living.

To the moms who do too much:

Sometimes less is more."

I'm going to lay it all out here, in bare honesty.

These things are not mutually exclusive.   Wiping noses and making beds and cooking and cleaning does NOT mean that you are "taking simple pleasures in life for granted."   

This blog post is lying to you, and here's why:

The "things that really make life worth living"  *include*  runny noses (because the people those noses are attached to are what make life worth living).   They *include* loads of laundry.   Planning, shopping for, preparing, and cleaning up from meals make life worth living.   Making your bed every morning makes life worth living.    Cleaning toilets makes life worth living.

These are the simple pleasures in life.

What the blog post really is directed at - and the authour doesn't seem to acknowledge the distinction - is the intention and the mindset that you do these "tedious" things with, not the quantity of the tasks.   Motherhood isn't all that glamourous.  We do wipe noses (and butts).  We do clean floors (and toilets and kitchens and tables and dishes).  We do cook fish (and beef and chicken and vegetables and pasta).   This is motherhood.

How you do it is what matters, not what (or how much) you are doing.

My life has gotten busier, and it's been directly related to the size of my family and my husband's job.   That's good and natural.  But you know what?   So has my husband's.  His life and day-to-day experience has drastically changed since our pre-marriage days.  

And would you ever see a blog post directed at OB/GYN's that started:

"You are constantly going.  Filling out another form.  Answering another page.  Catching another baby.  Seeing another patient.  Do some more.  Get ahead;  you are always in a hurry."  

My guess is no.   At least I've never seen one.   (If you can find one out there on the interwebz, send me a link!  I'm sure he'd love to read it.)

For some reason, we accept the fact that Mike never sits down and often never eats or pees during a call shift, but it's not okay for me to do it.   He's never accused of "taking life for granted" or missing out on relationships (some of his closest friends are, or have been, his coworkers).   But me, who isn't even nearly as busy as he is at work (I get to pee and eat!), I am constantly told that I am taking life's pleasures for granted because I'm "doing too much."

And that's just plain wrong.

Motherhood is a job.  It's busy.  It's my (and yours, I'm assuming, if you're reading this) work that St Josemaria is speaking of.   Just like Mike can sanctify his job by changing HOW he's working....we housewives and moms can do the same.

Pray while working (even as a mom).  While I'm folding the laundry of a family member, I'm talking to God about that person.  Praying for their current needs and hurts.  Asking Him to bless their future.  Praying for their friends.

Consciously, actively, choose to offer sacrifices (because, come on, who LIKES to clean toilets in a house full of boys?!?!) for the needs and intentions of your friends and family.   Sanctify the heck out of that toilet, guys.   If you ever can't think of an intention - the holy souls in purgatory are relying for you. 

When a child wants/needs a hug, stop what you're doing and give it to them.  Kiss them, too.   Throw in an "I love you."  

Spend one-on-one time with each child (and your spouse!) every day.  And guess what?   You can DO that while doing the laundry.  Or cooking fish.   Or making beds.  Those "meaningful conversations" and "relationships" that she refers to?  Our best conversations as mother and child happen while we're working side-by-side.   I have one child who loves to be in the kitchen.   It's GOOD for him to be in the kitchen WITH me, learning how to cook (and clean up after himself!).   "Cooking a fish" doesn't have to be a solitary activity, and it can be - no, it IS - beneficial for relationships to do these things together.   Another child loves to do laundry with me, so we fold clothes and talk about what he's learning in school, or his fears and hopes.   Sometimes, we pray aloud together.   Not only is this good for our relationship, but it's great for his own development and future.   (my future daughter-in-law can thank me later).

And the baby?   She spends a portion of her day strapped into the ergo baby carrier and right up against my chest.   As we're folding laundry or preparing meals, she and I are talking (by the way, her baby coos are ADORABLE!).  We're sharing kisses, and she's cuddling in the heat that my body is giving off.   Those times are some of the best moments of my life - and I have distinct memories of each child in that position (I love babywearing), including Theo (I wore him A LOT when he first came home, to help with bonding).  

Sometimes, it's okay to step back and do these mundane tasks on your own.  You don't need to feel guilty about being busy, even if you're not doing it with a child or spouse.  Alone time, even while cooking meals and cleaning bathrooms, can be a good thing.   Again, it comes down to being intentional.  How are you using that time?  Are you encouraging negative thoughts while doing these chores?  (feeling frustrated that you're the "only one")  That's not okay and will probably lead to the yelling and short tempers that she refers to.   But if you're actively focusing your thoughts on God while doing them?   Or encouraging relationships between siblings?  (remember:  these moments can foster relationships between siblings.  When I'm not directing the scene or involved, the kids find time to play together, to read together, to cuddle together.  These are some of the sweetest things to walk into a room to find, but you need to step back and let them happen!).  That's a wonderful thing!   That's holiness at work.

These tasks don't complete themselves.   Motherhood is busy.  It just is.  Our job never ends - it's a 24 hour/7 day a week vocation.   And you know what?

That is a GOOD thing.  

No one else can find the Love that God has hidden for you inside your vocation but you.    Our job is to uncover it.   Your vocation is your path to Heaven, one that God has called you to.  Sometimes, being busy is part of that vocation.

And, honestly, the noses never stop running.   The kids never stop wanting to eat.   The clothes will always be getting dirty.  Things will always be getting spilled.

Instead of focusing on doing "too much", and demeaning the necessary work of motherhood....let's focus on turning it into a prayer.   Let's join together to sanctify motherhood.   There are too many people out there already who have turned motherhood into a negative, a burden.   Instead of encouraging that by diminishing the GOOD that can be found in these tasks, let's stop focusing on motherhood being too hard, too much work, or too wearying.....let's encourage a desire for holiness found *within* motherhood.  

It's okay to "do too much", if that busyness is pointing you towards Heaven.   God will meet you in those seemingly endless daily tasks if you invite Him in.   Your children will still have a relationship with you.   Your spouse will still find your conversations meaningful.   

....and dare I say it....finding God in those tasks will never be doing "too much."  You'll find yourself never doing enough and constantly wanting to do more......Once you find Him in the busyness of life, it won't feel like too much.   

It won't be enough.

************

Giving you one of my favourite quotes about the "drudgery" of motherhood, so you have something to contemplate while folding your next load of laundry or washing your next sink of dishes.  You can thank me later.  ;)

"Now if anyone says that this duty of general enlightenment (even when freed from modern rules and hours, and exercised more spontaneously by a more protected person) is in itself too exacting and oppressive, I can understand the view. I can only answer that our race has thought it worth while to cast this burden on women in order to keep common-sense in the world. But when people begin to talk about this domestic duty as not merely difficult but trivial and dreary, I simply give up the question. For I cannot with the utmost energy of imagination conceive what they mean. When domesticity, for instance, is called drudgery, all the difficulty arises from a double meaning in the word. If drudgery only means dreadfully hard work, I admit the woman drudges in the home, as a man might drudge at the Cathedral of Amiens or drudge behind a gun at Trafalgar. But if it means that the hard work is more heavy because it is trifling, colorless and of small import to the soul, then as I say, I give it up; I do not know what the words mean. To be Queen Elizabeth within a definite area, deciding sales, banquets, labors and holidays; to be Whiteley within a certain area, providing toys, boots, sheets, cakes. and books, to be Aristotle within a certain area, teaching morals, manners, theology, and hygiene; I can understand how this might exhaust the mind, but I cannot imagine how it could narrow it. How can it be a large career to tell other people's children about the Rule of Three, and a small career to tell one's own children about the universe? How can it be broad to be the same thing to everyone, and narrow to be everything to someone? No; a woman's function is laborious, but because it is gigantic, not because it is minute. I will pity Mrs. Jones for the hugeness of her task; I will never pity her for its smallness.”  G.K Chesterton