On being alone.....

There's a quote from a movie that keeps coming into my head today.  It's from The Usual Suspects (which I actually have never seen) and it goes something like this:  "The greatest trick the devil ever pulled was convincing the world that he doesn't exist."   Now, mind you, I've never actually seen the movie before, so I don't know the context, but I've heard that quote repeated enough that it came to mind immediately this morning.  

Why?  you might be wondering.   Well, it's kind of a long story, I guess.  I'll give you the short version.   I was walking in and out of my bathroom for various reasons all morning - getting laundry, turning off lights (one day I *will* make the kids pay the electricity bill!), putting things away - and every time, I saw a pile of bath toys in the middle of my bathroom floor.   I'd sigh, get annoyed, and then.....walk over them.   Again and again.  

Finally, I stopped what I was doing, sighed, and bent over to pick up the bath toys and put them away.   And then, the words that I hear ringing in my ears EVERY single day started playing.  Almost as if they were on cue....

"I'm the *only one* who cares enough to do this kind of thing!"

Sometimes it's a slight variation ("Why am I the only one?" or "Am I the ONLY ONE who can see....?"), but the point is always the same:  I am alone.

I am alone in my concern for our belongings.

I am alone in the care of the house, kids, responsibilities, etc.

I am alone in my relationships (usually when thinking about things like birthdays, gifts, phone calls, emails, etc).

I am alone.

I used to think that the quote above was true - the Devil's greatest achievement, if you will, was to convince the world that he didn't exist.

I don't think that's true anymore.

I think the Devil's greatest achievement......it to convince us that we are all alone.

Our God is a god of relationship.  In His very existence, He is constantly in relationship:  He's three Persons in one God.  (Don't ask me to explain.  It's a mystery).  We are meant to be social, to be in relationship with each other.  Even the silly introverts like me who can only be physically WITH other people for so long before melting down - we are still made for relationship and will constantly be yearning for it until we find ourselves in relationship with the One for whom we were made.   It's in that inner ache to "know and be known" that the devil will find our vulnerable spot and attack.   

He's there, whispering in the ear of the pregnant woman that she "can't possibly do this on her own."

He's there, repeating the lies that "you'll always be alone and no one will ever be able to love a screw-up like you" to the teenager.

He's there, convincing each spouse that they're alone in their marriage, with nothing in common anymore.

He's there, reminding the mom that she has no one to call to talk to when things get to be a little too much.

He's there,  laughing at the man sitting in his office with his door closed, wondering if anyone will notice his absence.  

And, yes, he was there in my bathroom, whispering in my ear that I was all alone in my commitment to our family.   Convincing me that I was ignored or uncared for, convincing me that I was being treated unfairly and being left behind.   Telling me that I was all alone and no one cared enough to help lighten my load, but instead just kept dumping more and more on top of me.

(yes, this stemmed from a bucket of bath toys.  I need sleep, what can I say??!)

It almost worked.

I almost gave in to the temptation to give up, to go plop myself down in front of the computer and stare at pretty pictures of other people's houses and decorations and crafts and kids who didn't have holes in the knees of their pants (seriously, boys, HOW DO YOU RIP THEM SO QUICKLY?!?!?!), feeling sorry for myself and drowning under the necessary work of being a homeschooling, stay-at-home mother.  I almost listened to him saying that I was all alone.

But, I didn't listen.

It was hard, but I stuck my fingers in my ears and loudly sang "la la la la la" until he stopped taunting me.  (I may or may not have actually done this and am not using it as imagery...I'll let you decide).

Instead, I fought hard to see the 10 year old scooping up the velcro  teething baby who hadn't napped and cuddling with her, offering comfort and compassion.

I worked hard to notice the 6 year old, sitting at his desk, working on writing a letter to his grandparent, excited to tell her about a recent trip.

I watched the 8 year old reading a book to his 5 year old brother, and listened to them giggling with each other, creating and nurturing a bond so strong that it amazes me every time I see them together.

I watched relationships.   I watched 5 little people, secure in their place in our family and with each other.   I watched them reaffirm each other's value and worth.  I watched them experience love through their interaction with another.   They were anything BUT alone.

And that's when it hit me.  The devil doesn't need to convince us that he doesn't exist.   He needs to convince us that we don't.   

He tries to convince us that we don't exist in the eyes of another - that we're all alone.

An existence without relationship.........well, that sounds a bit like Hell, doesn't it?