All the little things....

Good afternoon, y'all.

It's been awhile.

How are you doing?

I'm sitting here, trying to decide where exactly to start to catch everyone up.....I've been focusing on things like my own certification training, schooling for the kids, and prioritizing taking care of myself physically and mentally over everything else, and that ended up including this little corner of the internet.  I'm happy to be back, brushing up cobwebs and adding little bits of information like this little corner here.   I still have a lot of updating to do on the various pages of the blog, but I'll get there.  Just be patient with me.  :)

In addition to brushing up the various corners of the internet that have to do with the Circus, there's now an instagram in addition to a facebook page.  Feel free to come browse around over there.   

I think that's all of the housekeeping that I needed to catch you guys up on.  I've primarily had my head down, working hard on getting things in order under the Circus tent.    Homeschooling high school is intense, y'all!  We're enjoying it, and we had finally found a rhythm that worked well for us, but things are a bit in flux at the moment.  Circus Clown #5's insurance coverage for his therapy has been bouncing around all over the place, so I paused our weekly therapy sessions (during which my bigger kids would CRUSH their homeschool work because all of the littles were out of the house) until we could figure out the billing issues, and so now we are readjusting to all being home together every day of the week.  

I have a long list of blog posts that I've started and jotted down notes for, and have not actually typed up - my goal over the next few months is to meet those blog posts head on and really start working through my thoughts and ideas on a bunch of topics.  We've found a place where we are all mostly at peace (teenage angst not included), and it feels like a safe time to start working through my thoughts. Now that I'm not spending every weekend studying, I should have some more time to dig deep into life and all of the little things.

I'll admit to struggling a bit with putting myself out there, especially now that I'm dipping my toes into the world of nutrition coaching.   I *know* I have life experience and now book knowledge.   I'm hopeful that this will allow me to reach out and grab the hands of others who feel like they're drowning, just like I did two years ago.   I'm passionate about this - we are suffering from a vast lack of love in today's world.  Not ooey-goooey romantic love.   True, life-affirming love, especially love of ourselves.  We are hurting, we are lonely, and it's killing us slowly.  If I can do nothing else but convince someone that they are worthy of love and compassion, then I will consider this venture a success.   

But what I'm discovering about myself, as I start to put myself out there more and more, is that I suffer from something that I've jokingly called a "confidence deficiency" when talking about it with Mike.   I worry about being rejected.   I worry about being mocked or challenged as I try to speak a simple truth:  we are worthy of love, merely because we exist.   I believe this, I try to live it, and I try to witness to it in everything that I do and say.   I want to encourage others to believe this, to live it, and to witness to it.   

And as I try to do that, to witness to this truth, to embody it to the best of my ability, I doubt myself.  I'm not immune to the negative self-talk, the challenging of my own abilities, the doubting of my own self worth.  I hope that sharing my own fears and struggle will help others recognize that it's not just them.   The world, the world as seen on social media especially, isn't perfect.  The people you see aren't perfectly confident and assured of their value as a human being.

We are all scared.   We are all lonely.  

We are all living for another world, a better one.   We are all reflections of the image of God.  We are all worthy of love and able to show each other love, if we put our minds to it.

We just need to be reminded of this simple truth.   Often.  Including me.

Welcome back to the Circus, friends.   Let's get things going over here.....