Confessions

*It's really hard to blog....when all you want to do is whine.  No one wants to hear that.

*I am SO struggling with not being able to figure out this whole exercising thing.   My days are jam-packed with kid-care and schooling and therapy sessions and meal prep and appointments (it's amazing how many appointments happen with 5 kids and two dogs:  vets, dentist, doctor's, etc) and then throw in grocery shopping and post office runs (since the snow is forcing our mail to not get delivered) and house care and.......I can't figure out how to work it in during the day.   By the time I get caught up enough to do it at night, it's 9pm, and then by the time I shower and calm down enough to actually fall asleep...it's midnight.   Throw in a baby wake-up call or two during the night, and then having to get up again the next morning early enough to get Mr Theo to school and/or appointments.....and I only get 4-5 hours of sleep a night.  Which isn't enough for me.....at all......so I end up feeling like I'm in a fog all day.

* It's really hard to be the "rock" for five kids, two dogs, and a husband.   Who all rely on you for a huge portion (or ALL, if we're talking about the kids) of their daily lives.  

* I usually don't answer the phone.  Even if I know why someone is calling.   The phone gives me panic attacks.

* "Don't you have anyone who can help you with stuff?" was what someone asked me yesterday - when picking Theo up from school to get to a dentist appointment - and I still can't stop thinking about it.   Should I have help?  Am I not doing something right?   I thought yesterday was going super smoothly - everyone was happy and well-fed and dressed in non-holey, non-dirty clothing.   Did she see something that I didn't?

* I snuck a couple of spoonfuls of peanut butter last night while making this soup for dinner.   And then told the kids that they couldn't have any because "dinner was almost ready."  

*  I spend most of my days trying to convince myself that I'm actually doing okay as a mother.

*  I spend any time that isn't spent trying to convince myself that I'm doing okay as a mother trying to tell myself that I'm doing okay as a person, too, and it's okay to put myself first every so often.

*  I spend what little time I have left after those two things trying to fight a feeling of jealousy that Mike gets to shower every day without interruptions and can wear "real clothes" on a regular basis.

*   It really bothers me when people comment on "how I have it all together" or how much of a "supermom" I am....because I'm just not.   It makes me feel guilty about what I must be doing wrong, and I feel like a deer in headlights because I just want to point out all that I've failed at that day already.

*   I hate reading "out loud" and often get Joseph or Graham to do it for me.  Or audiobooks.

*  I almost don't want to hit "publish" on this because I worry that people will think that it's a bad thing to have a big family.

*  I often wear the baby when I don't really "need" to, because I love having her that close still.

*  I encourage art projects because then I can claim that my house isn't "messy" but that we're just a creative family doing art class.  ;)

*  I homeschool because I would miss my kids if they were gone all day (one of the reasons).

*  I spend too much time browsing through dresses that I'll probably never buy or wear and dreaming about buying them and wearing clothes like that everyday.

*   The craft store causes me to have panic attacks, even though I love doing arts and crafts with the kids.

*  Add  yours

*  in the comments below.......

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