my must-do-this-or-life-stinks list (aka Five Fave Parenting Hacks)

I was going to keep this for tomorrow's "Five Faves" but I decided to go ahead and write it today while Theo is super happy and occupied with his bowl of leftover pho and the three other boys are happy with schoolwork and the baby is sleeping.  No guarantees that it will happen again tomorrow, so today's the day.  I'll probably cheat and still link up with Jenna tomorrow, though.    

I couldn't decide what to call this, so Parenting Hacks it is.  It's not really a list of TRUE life hacks, since I'm not repurposing something to make life easier.....but these five things are necessary in the Circus household.  Without them...I'm pretty sure I'd be curled up in the fetal position on the bathroom floor, bawling.

Too many words, not enough hacking.  

Sorry.

Let me fix that.

Hack #1:

Music.  Never underestimate the power of music.   We are huge Pandora fans here, and let me tell you, I've got that thing trained.  We have schoolwork music.  We have playtime music.  We have Advent music.  We have Lent music.  We have quiet time music.  We have dance party music.  We have "everyone's-a-grump-and-we-need-to-break-the-grumpies" music.     

Need a change in attitudes?   Change the station.  Play it loud.    Need to get the kids on task with whatever they need to be doing (quieting down to signal that it's time for the babies to nap?  Done.   Time to pull out the books and get cracking on schoolwork?  Done.  Time to be goofy and keep the baby out of Mommy's hair so she can make dinner?   Done - it's 80s dance party time).

This works for the car, too.   Once I figured out that classical music calms down the rascals in our tight-fitting car (I love it, but every seat is full and as the boys grow.....so do the fights over space or toys), I mandated that it was the only thing we were listening to on our long drives back and forth to gymnastics practice.    Drives are soooooo much nicer now!

Along those lines, my secret weapon in the car can be found online for free OR at any public library.  

Audiobooks.

God bless the person who first decided to read a book and record themselves doing so.   They have saved our road trips.

Hack #2:

Keep nap time going.  Long after naps are being taken.

So far, all of my boys have ended their napping routine at a different age - Joseph made it to kindergarten before giving up his afternoon naps.  Graham made it until age 4.  Nicholas started sleeping 12 hours at night and not napping anymore around age 3.  Theo's still going strong with naps at age 5.  We'll see how Ruthie does, but my guess is that she's going to move into the same "one nap a day" rhythm that everyone else has had pretty soon.    Eventually, she and Theo will be on the same napping schedule completely, and it will match up with the rhythm that I have guarded like a Mama Bear the past 10 years:  busy all morning, lunch time, quiet time.

Even the non-nappers recognize and respect the schedule:   schoolwork and playing all morning, lunch time, then it's "feet-off-the-floor" time.  I don't really care WHERE they do their FOTF time, but it has to happen.   Quiet time reading, writing, drawing, or puzzle or Lego building happens immediately after lunch.  (And yes, quiet time music is its own station on Pandora).   

I *need* that quiet time to recharge for the rest of the day, and we will guard it until the last kid leaves the Circus.   I think one of the reasons dinner time can get so chaotic and so many parents struggle with a "witching hour" just before bedtime is a complete abandonment of nap time.   I refuse to give it up!

Hack #3:

Never start a load of laundry that you won't be able to see through to the very end.  As in, folded and put away in the right drawers/closets.   If you don't have time to wash, dry, fold, and put away a load of laundry, don't start it until you do.    Following this philosophy has made a WORLD of difference in our home life, and honestly, our level of frustration.   Meaning.....the frustration with housework is WAAAYYY lower than it once was.  Sometimes I think I'll be able to see a load through to the end and life happens and I end up not getting to it, but those times are few and far between.    It's amazing - without that back up of laundry staring me in the face, I don't feel as incompetent as a mom and housewife.   I actually feel - most days - like I'm relatively equipped for this job I've found myself in!

Hack #4:

Again related to the previous hack....get rid of at least half of your kids' clothing.   You really don't need it.   Especially once you get up to having as many kids as we do, you're going to be doing laundry on a daily basis, anyway, so your kids will have those clothes back in their drawers in no time.    I've found that the perfect amount of clothing for my boys must include:  3 play shirts and 3 play pants.  5 pairs of underwear.  5 pairs of socks.  1 pair of church pants.  2 church shirts.  At least one hoodie (although my big boys get these often as "complimentary" at gymnastics meets, so we have more of these hanging in the closets).    They don't typically wear pajamas, but just sleep in boxers and tshirts, but we do always have one pair of pajamas per child in case they visit somewhere OR we have houseguests.    Ruthie has even less clothes - about 3 sleepers/pajamas, and probably 3-4 outfits, 2 pairs of tights, and a couple of pairs of socks.

Why only 5ish days' worth of clothes?   It's really simple:  they can start to dress themselves earlier - finding outfits isn't as overwhelming for little ones.    There's less clutter.   Things actually get worn until they're ready to be replaced by the next size, instead of brand new outfits going unworn before the child is too big to wear them.   Sorting laundry is easier, especially for those of us with the same gender all wearing about the same size - it's easier to call to mind a picture of which child wears which article of clothing if you see it worn more often.

And the number 1 reason to thin out closets until you only have 5 days worth of clothing?    

It's similar to making it easier for you to do the laundry:   because they wear the same clothes over and over again, the kids themselves recognize their clothing more easily and can FOLD AND PUT AWAY THE LAUNDRY FOR YOU.   

Hack #5:

Teach your children to cook.   Even if it's simple things, empowering them in the kitchen will make everyone's lives easier.   By 6, all of my kids can make a salad, peel and prep vegetables and fruit like carrots and apples, warm up and cut up their own frozen pancakes, and make their own instant oatmeal.     At 7, they start joining me in the kitchen and start learning how to scramble, fry, or hard boil eggs, cook noodles and sauce, or cook rice or quinoa.   At 8, they start learning how prepare meals out of this book.  (that book is, by far, our favourite "kid cookbook", because of the simple-to-read instructions, large photographs, and varied recipe options).  Teaching the kids to cook simple things may seem really overwhelming at first, but, let me tell you....it is game-changing as a parent.   Being able to ask Graham to go make some egg salad sandwiches, from start to finish, for lunch - and being able to trust that he can do it well - is a huge life saver when the baby is teething and only wants to be held by Mommy.   Seriously.  Game-changing parenting move.

*****

So, there they are.  My five fave parenting tips that were passed on to me and that I refuse to ignore.    

What are your must-do-parenting things?  Share on FB or in the comments below!

"More Nanny's" Butter Tarts

Back when Nicholas (now 6) was right around 18 months old, we were visiting my parents.   Growing up, we always called my maternal grandparents "Nanny" (Grandma) and "Poppy" (Grandpa), and we continued that tradition with our own circus clowns, calling my mom Nanny and my dad Poppy.   

There was a slight issue, though.....my maternal grandparents are still alive, and trying to explain which Nanny and which Poppy we were talking about was really confusing the circus clowns.  We needed a way to distinguish between generations of grandparents!

We tried "Great Nanny" and "Great Poppy".... but it didn't stick.

We tried "Nanny G" and "Poppy G".... but it didn't stick.

Nicholas, then 18 months, solved the problem for us during that visit to my parents.   I had been standing in the kitchen, with him on my hip,when my mom walked into the room. 

"Nanny!!" he exclaimed, happily.

Then MY Nanny (grandma) entered into the kitchen.

Nicholas paused, with a confused look on his face.   Then, his face lit up.

"MORE Nanny!!"  he cried!

......and that's what stuck.   "More Nanny" and "More Poppy" became the names that we called my grandparents, while "Nanny" and "Poppy" were reserved for my mom and dad.

******

Yesterday, we were stuck in the house during yet another snowstorm (we've gotten something like 37 inches of snow this week, with more predicted for tomorrow night and then again on Wednesday), and with a little boy who had a fever.    We made cookies.....and then Joseph begged to make his favourite dessert:  More Nanny's butter tarts.

Mike, who also loves butter tarts, jumped into the kitchen to help him make them.   Mike will *never* turn down an opportunity for butter tarts!

Since my copy of the recipe is hand-written and on index cards that have seen better days.....I thought I'd also blog about them, so that the recipe is a bit more accessible for future baking days.

Enjoy!

******

More Nanny's Butter Tarts

 For the pastry: 

6 cups flour

1 tsp salt

1 tsp baking powder

1 lb shortening

1 egg

1 tbsp vinegar

cold water

For the filling:

2 eggs

2 cups brown sugar

2 tbsp vinegar

1 tsp vanilla

1/2 cup butter, melted

1 and 1/3 cups currant, chopped raisins, dates, figs, or nutmeats

Step 1:  The Pastry Dough

Sift together the flour, salt, and baking powder.  Cut in the shortening.   Beat the egg in a small bowl, and then put it in a 1 cup measuring cup.  Add the vinegar and fill to the top with cold water.    Add this to the dry mixture, a little at a time (you probably won't need all of it), making a smooth dough as you mix in the water.

Step 2:  Cut up the raisins, if you're using them.

Step 3:  Make the filling.

Beat eggs only until the whites and yolks are well blended.  Beat in the sugar, then add the vinegar and the vanilla.   Stir in the melted butter and the fruit.

Step 4:  Line the muffin cups with pastry.

Spray your pan with cooking spray or grease it before using it.

We use a mini muffin pan (or a tart pan), because we like the smaller butter tarts.   You can make this in a regular muffin pan, too.    Since we have a little tart "press" tool (basically a wooden stick with balls on each end), we don't pre-cut the pastry.   Instead, we roll it into small balls and place that into the pan and smoosh (technical term) it down with the press tool.    If you don't have that, it's usually easiest to cut a small circle with a cookie cutter, drinking glass, or an empty, clean aluminum can, and then press that disk of dough into the muffin pan.

Step 5:  Fill the pastry shells.

Fill each pastry shell with the butter mixture, until the shell is 1/2 to 2/3 of the way full.

Step 6:  Bake!

Bake in a hot oven (450º) for the first 10 minutes, and then drop the temperature to moderate (350º) and bake 20-25 minutes, or until the filling is firm.  (This will just depend on how big of a butter tart you're trying to make!).

Then, let it cool and enjoy!

Graham's "Spicy" Veggies

Ingredients

1 tsp grated fresh ginger

2 garlic cloves, minced

1 tsp mild curry powder

1 medium onion, diced

3 bell peppers, any colour, diced

8 oz sliced mushrooms

2 potatoes, peeled and diced

2 heads worth of broccoli florets 

2 tsp garam masala

1/2 tsp ground coriander

2 cup chicken or veggie broth

2 tbsp honey

2 tbsp tomato paste

28 oz diced tomatoes

1 and 1/3 cup heavy cream

2 tbsp lemon juice

3 cups cooked rice (we like basmati)

Original recipe came from this book (which I HIGHLY recommend for your kids - we love it!), and then we tweaked it to make it less meat-heavy and a vegetarian option)

Step 1:

Prepare your veggies

Step 2:

Sautee your onion, garlic, and ginger in a little bit of water to keep from sticking, for about 5 minutes, or until the onion is translucent.

Step 3:

(not pictured)

Add your spices to the onion/garlic/ginger mixture, and cook until it becomes really fragrant, about 3to 5 minutes.

Step 4:

Add your veggies to the onion and spice mixture.

Step 5:

Add your broth, tomatoes, tomato paste, and honey to the veggies.   Dream of a larger pot for cooking for your family and resolve to shop online for one (and promptly forget while moving on to the next step of the recipe).   Cover and simmer until the veggies are tender.

Step 6:

Add in the cream and stir very carefully.  Simmer uncovered for about 10 more minutes, until it's thickened.

Step 7:

Stir in lemon juice, then serve immediately over rice.  Enjoy!

Sound Bites

I've realized recently that I'm really tired.  

I know, I know, new mom.  Newly adopted son.   Of course I'm tired!!  Right?  

Wrong.

I'm tired of living in "sound bites".   I'm tired of life being reduced to a series of captions on photographs or short little status updates.   I'm tired of never seeing the person behind the posts.  I'm trying hard to choose joy in the online Circus, but it seems to be getting harder and harder to do.   

I'm tired of having hundreds of friends....who never get to see the real me, because it's just impossible to share your thoughts and feelings and experiences on a truly personal level in a status update.   Even if the comments under that status update number into the hundreds, you still only get a glimpse, or a picture, of that friend's thoughts and experiences.

I'm tired of meeting someone or running into someone that I haven't seen in awhile and feeling confused.   Confused at the things they know that I either forgot that I shared, or things that they saw through a mutual friend, or things that somehow were shared that I didn't know were now public knowledge.   Confused at the person they think I am and the life they think I lead.  I'm tired of feeling like I have to either live up to that ideal (Boys!   Don't say "fart" in public!!) or correct it by emphasizing the bad days/things.  

And emphasizing the bad isn't really my thing, y'all.   I've written about this before, this conscious choice that we've made to focus on the good, to choose joy, in our daily lives.   When I'm 80,  I don't want to remember the teething baby who won't go to sleep and scratches at my face.  I want to remember the smiles.  The coos.   The spilled meals, the dinners they turn their nose up at, the tantrums.   Those things I want to forget.   And the moments I want to freeze in time to thumb through when my kids are grown and living lives of their own?   The happy faces with completed Lego projects.  The cuddles in front of the fire.   The art projects that led to messy, paint covered noses and pictures hung on a wall.    

We joined Facebook years ago, with the intention being able to keep in touch with friends and family from far away.   Over time, as we walked further and further on our "reversion" faith journey, we realized that there seemed to be this absence of hope and joy online.   Everyone was always shouting, always angry.   There was a real hunger, it seemed, to see joy.  To see the good and beautiful that could come from family life.   We do not, by any means, have that "perfect family", but we realized that while things aren't perfect by human standards, they're always perfect because they come from God.   Our job, as humans, is to look for Him in the mess.   To keep turning back to Him in the chaos.   Facebook became an easy way to try to look for Him.  To try to look for the Good.  The True.  The Beautiful.   

So that's what we set out to do.  To find the Good, the True, and the Beautiful in our daily lives and share it on Facebook.  The hope was to maybe inspire others to look for the blessings in their lives, maybe even to invite them into our experiences and share our testimony with them.    And, of course, to stay in contact with and on top of the lives of our friends and family.  The good AND the bad times.   

And for the most part, that's what Facebook was.   At least, that's what we were using it as, and I do think we had been relatively successful at meeting our goal of sharing the good and the beauty.

The good and the beauty.   But not the Good and the Beautiful.

Somehow, over the course of our attempt, we've gotten it wrong.    I think in our attempt to witness to God's presence and grace in our lives, it's turned into a witness of how good and beautiful WE are.   It's not been a conscious thing - the intention has always been to glorify God with our lives - but I'm afraid that is what may not be happening.   The message doesn't seem to be getting across.    I'm not sure why, but somehow our intentions aren't conveying into the results we're hoping for.

But I do know this:   We at the Circus need to refocus on that joy, that gift from God.   We need to stop living in sound bites and start actively building (and maintaining) personal relationships.  

So, for now, our personal FB accounts are disappearing.   Mine already has, and we're working on clearing Mike's out.    I'm tired of living a life in snapshots, building relationships founded in perfectly posed pictures and two line status updates.    I'll keep updating the blog with musings and updates on the kids and our family life, but the main goal is to actually reach out and build relationships based on conversations and shared experiences.   It's going to be hard for this introvert to break out of her safe and cozy computer screen, so I ask for your help and understanding.  There will probably be days where I just need to shut off the phone ringer and lock us in the house and stay home, even if we'd planned on going out.    Please don't hold it against me!   

But I'm tired of living in sound bites.  I'm tired of feeling like a failure when I look at other perfectly posed pictures.   I'm tired of feeling like I have to live up to my own perfectly posed pictures when I see someone in real life.    I'm tired of adult conversation consisting of a comment section discussion between you, me, and 600 of our closest friends.    

I'm tired of living a virtual life.

It's time to step into real life.  Messes and all.